Parallel

by SavannahSilverstone

Published June 29, 2013

E - Everyone

In Parallel

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This is just a repost of my story in fanfiction. 

Percy, Can you hear me right now?

Annabeth voiced those words in her head as she walked home that cold autumn night. She drew her coat a bit closer to herself and took a deep breath, holding back tears. She didn't want to cry but it was at that moment her feelings were at their most vulnerable.

The cold wind was brushing her body, leaving a cold and wet touch that reminded her a lot of Percy. Heck, everything cold or wet or related to water reminded her of him.

It was nine o clock in the evening and the night was already at its darkest. The streets were deserted outside with only a few people or cars passing by every now and then, hoping for a shorter way home.

The fact that she was cold and alone gave her feelings the perfect opportunity to take over her and before Annabeth knew it, tears were streaming down her face.

If Percy didn't take the offer from the gods to be the god of heroes, would she be walking home alone like this at this hour? Would she be feeling like this, feeling so alone and vulnerable? She'd never know.

All she knew now was that Percy had taken the offer of the gods. He had talked to her before he did saying there was a reason that he couldn't tell her yet. He looked as if he were depressed about the offer, as if earning the godly powers and immortality was a sacrifice. Percy must have had a good reason if he was sacrificing his happiness for that. Maybe one day he'd tell her.

All he said was that she'd find out at her own time but for now, all she could do is wait and watch and one day, she will find out on her own.

While Percy was going to be the same sixteen year old self for eternity, she'd be getting older and older and she had to accept that no matter what happened, they were never going to end up together. Right?

His world will keep turning while as the months turn to years, she will slowly wither and die never to end up with her true love. She didn't know if she would meet anyone else as the years go by but she knew one thing. No one could ever replace Seaweed Brain. No one could replace the memories that she had with him, good or bad.

Even if it was so far away, Annabeth started to think about her death. She'd always wanted to try for Elysium but then she knew she'd have to give her identity up as Annabeth Chase and with that, her memories of Percy and while she'd be someone else from another side of the world, Percy would always be Percy.

Annabeth shook her head. She didn't want to think that far but it was haunting her. She didn't want anyone else other than Percy nor did she want to lose her memories of him.

The young demigod knew there was only one way to curb those worries and troubling thoughts. She had to do something about it.

It was going to be a tough choice to make. She'd have to tell her dad, she'd have to tell Chiron but she knew that she had been thinking about it for a few months, ever since Percy accepted that offer.

The cold, dark night gave her the perfect opportunity to reflect, gather her thoughts and make a choice. She knew then that she was almost a hundred percent sure of it. She'd have a few regrets along the way but it would most definitely be worth it in the long run.

Annabeth fumbled around her coat for her secret stash of money. She had a few dollars but she always thought ahead to take a few drachmas with her. This was the perfect place to do it.

In the midst of this deserted place, no one would look anywhere twice and she had the mist at her side. What are the chances that anyone she knew who could see through the mist would be here at this time of night and try to stop her?

"Oh Iris, goddess of the Rainbow, please accept my offering." Annabeth muttered those words out loud as she held the drachma in front of her. "Show me Thalia, daughter of Zeus and hunter of Artemis."

A small smile escaped her lips as she said the last three words.

I'll be posting everything here too so just wait for them or you can read them in fanfiction.net. Same name,same author

 
Comments & reviews · 6
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LilMissPanic
Review
LilMissPanic wrote a review Review · Jul 28, 2013

First off great story! I was a huge fan of Percy Jackson when I was younger so it was pretty nostalgic for me to read this. I did notice something right off the bat though.

"She didn't want to cry but it was at that moment her feelings were at their most vulnerable."
There should probably be a comma before but to show a pause.

"It was nine o clock in the evening..." O'clock :]

"...but for now, all she could do is wait and watch andone day, ..." instead of is switch it to was, could is past tense but is is present tense "all she can do is wait or "all she could do was wait" Also I think you forgot a space between "and" and "one"

Other than those few things I thought it was great! :] keep on writing!

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OliveDreams
Review
OliveDreams wrote a review Review · Jul 28, 2013

Hello there! Here to review your work on this very fine review day! I will review as I read so that it will make much more sense for both me and you. I tend to ramble otherwise, get mixed up and generally forget some good points that I've been saving up. (SEE! RAMBLING!)

I've never actually read the Percy Jackson books so maybe this might get me into them! I'm guessing that you're a fan.

“Heck, everything cold or wet or related to water reminded her of him.” - This is really sweet and it gives a good insight to the relationship that she has with Percy. Especially as I know nothing about this.

“A small smile escaped her lips as she said the last three words.” - I like the little cliffhanger at the end.

I would take a look at your paragraph lengths. I think there is a lot of times where you don't need to start a new one. It also makes your writing a little disjointed.

Good luck! I look forward to reading some more of your work soon.

HAPPY REVIEW DAY!

Olive <3

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deleted17
Comment
deleted17 commented Comment · Jul 14, 2013

Nice! I think you need to be more of a cliffhanger

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PixieStix
Review
PixieStix wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

Hey, Katie here.

I really liked this. Logan Lerman is mine... uhm. Okay. Back on topic. So... your fanfiction.

I agree with Mal, I would've just left the first like with Percy, can you hear me? Because it's knid of obvious.

Other than that, I didn't see anything wrong with it.

so yeah. <3

-Katie

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maleficent
Review
maleficent wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

Percy Jackson fan fiction?
This is like my own personal beacon, it called to me.
I recently discovered the film and I'm currently reading the book.
It's safe to say that I have fallen for Percy Jackson.
The Logan Lerman portrayal, not the teenager.. that'd be weird.

Anyway! Maleficent here, ready to review!

Percy, Can you hear me right now?

Just a personal thing, but I would have just left it as..
Percy, can you hear me?
The 'right now' is uncessary because it's obvious that she's saying it right now.
Again, it's just personal!

She drew her coat a bit closer to herself and took a deep breath, holding back tears.

She drew her coat a little closer to her body, took a deep breath and attempted to hold back her tears.

The streets were deserted outside with only a few people or cars passing by every now and then, hoping for a shorter way home.

The streets were deserted, leaving only a few people or a passing car to disturb the silence.

The italics are just my alternatives and what I would have written. I enjoyed reading this despite not knowing what Elysium is, I kind of understood what I was reading. You've made me want to continue reading the book which is a good sign!

Thanks for sharing.
Happy Review Day!

User avatar
Smilykid
Review
Smilykid wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

As a fan of Percy Jackson, I was pretty eager to read this. Fanfictions are hard for me because I have trouble fully grasping the scope of the characters and representing them well. I think you did this very well. Annabeth is one of the most loved characters of the series and the scene where Percy has the choice to become a god or not is very crucial. Well done!



Is anyone else desperately waiting to see themselves in the quote gen?
— TheCursedCat