--
Rosey is anxious. Her shoulders are square, her eyebrows furrowed with determination.
Rosey: . Um, ex—
Jack looks up from his computer, and Rosie blushes up to her ears.
Rosie: cuse—excuse me. You’re Jack, right?
Jack looks at her blankly, expectantly.
Rosie: Well, um. Never mind.
Jack: No, what?
Rosie: It’s nothing, don’t… don’t worry about it.
Rosie begins to turn away.
Jack, putting down his computer: It’s okay, uh, it’s not like I’m doing anything or… anything. Just Pacman. Avoiding work.
He turns the computer screen over to show her, rubs his neck unsurely.
Rosie, a nerd who against all odds has crossed paths with an obsession of hers and wants to be casual and cool about it: Oh… Pacman? You know the ghosts are programmed to like, stalk you in different ways? Like…
Jack: yeah, yeah, the red one follows you and the pink one corners you. And the orange and blue ones are… random? Right?.
Rosie: The orange one is, I think. Poor Clyde. But the blue one’s original name in Japanese translates to “fickle”—it wants to chases you down, and then it chickens out at the last second.
Jack, who is trying to remember what “fickle” means: Ah, cool! Nice.
There is an awkward silence, and Jack glances back down at his Pacman game. He is close to beating his high score, and he would like to do so by the time his lunch period is over.
Rosie rocks on her heels, trying to decide if she is an Inky or a Pinky. A woman or a womouse.
Rosie: so.. do, do you wanna get, like, like some coffee some time?
Jack:… Um.
Jack is as surprised at Rosie as Rosie is at herself. Jack is not in any of Rosie’s classes and he doesn’t actually know Rosie’s name.
Rosie, blushing heroically: You can say no if you want. But, um, you seem really nice, you’re in my homeroom, and I just thought maybe—
Jack, who hasn’t been to Homeroom since he realized he wasn’t graded on it: I’m really sorry, but what’s your name?
Rosie, close to tears: Rosie.
Jack: man, I’m sorry.
Jack immediately regrets calling Rosie “man”. Especially because now that he looks closely, he see she is nowhere close to being a man.
Rosie: Whatever. I get it. Sorry to--
Jack: You want a sip of my coke? I don’t.. I don’t have money for coffee or anything. I always, uh, spend it on candy, but..
Remington38 here, it's a pleasure to meet you:)
This was really sweet and very different. I really liked it. I felt really relatable to Rosie in just the whole awkwardness of the moment. It was a really fun, short read that I would deffinetly read again. I love how you brought in the geeky side with the Pacman and all of the background and backstory to it. You are a very talented writer and I hope to read more by you. Have a wonderful evening.
Hey Pumpkinhead! Storm's here to do a review. I suppose I'll jump right into it.
I really liked the concept of this. I think you used dialogue well to say what you wanted to get across. This review isn't going to be very long because I couldn't find a whole lot to critique. However, there were a few issues that I found.
First and foremost, your dialogue was not very strong in the beginning. It got better as you continued, but those first few lines weren't as good as the rest of it.
Rosie, a nerd who against all odds has crossed paths with an obsession of hers and wants to be casual and cool about it
I really love this. It's great. But it doesn't really have a place in a script.Rosie rocks on her heels, trying to decide if she is an Inky or a Pinky. A woman or a womouse.
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