Conckle's Backstory By Me

Okay, so, Black here for a Review Day Review!


Okay, so this was . . .um, odd. Your main problem is that this is really hard to understand . . . Okay, sorry, look, it's great that you want to write, but this . . . ? If English isn't your first language then all the mistakes that I'm looking at right now might be accetable, but if not then this is a massive mess I'm afraid.

You write like you're talking Criol . . .

Here, I'll do half a dozen problems with this.

I wunder myself but it begin while I am two.

Besides the fact that 'wunder' isn't a word ('Wonder' is), this sentence makes less than no sense . . . Look, I'll re-write if or you: 'I began to wonder myself. I figured that it must have begun when I was about two.' That sound a bit better? It's not perfect though. . .

Everyone aks me "Conckle, how you do superviallnism"??

Despite the fact that 'supervillianism' isn't a word, this sentence has problems. A: You need 'asks' instead of 'aks'. B: Your Question marks must be inside the '”''s C: You need 'how do you do' not 'how you do'. . . . You need to work on your grammar and organization . . . badly.

So my dad was sad when i said he goin hellwards todaynight

Starting the sentence with 'So' was wrong, just cut it right out. The 'I' should be big. It should be 'he was going to hell that night!', not 'he goin hellwards todaynight' . . . I'm not sure if all these mistakes are intentional or not, but they're making a mess. Really, think about how Mark Twain wrote Huck Finn, he didn't do it like this . . . He was more orgnized.

tahts nown as booty ball in my home country of Yugoslavia

You mean 'that's' and 'known' not 'tahts' and 'nown', right? . . . this sentence' grammar is a mess as well . . . I don't even understand what you want to say.

i crafted aSECREtlab where experim,ents and shiz

This sentence is such a mess I'm not even going to try to fix it. What on earth is it supposed to mean? Sorry I I'm a bit harsh, but this is unacceptably UN-readable.

Now i ru1e yoguslavia fun me yaaaaaaaaaaaay.

It's a big 'I', it's 'rule' not 'ru1e', a big 'y' on 'yugoslavia', and the rest of the sentence is a personal mess.

Look, I'm really sorry that I was harsh there, don't be discouraged, if I showed my first works on here I'd be embarrassed . . . But look, you need a LOT of work, work on your grammar, work on it hard, and then you can go for plot and such. . .

You know what you need to get there: Practice!

Keep writing!

~Black~

Hello there here is a me with a review for you I hope that you don't mined that it is small its for review day so I can't make it to big and I am tying to get my team back up to the top and I am not doing it.

I really hope it helps you out.

Here I think you are trying to say "began" not like this

I wunder myself but it begin while I am two

do you see?

And I am not sure what this means

methamphetamine

.

I think what you mean is "that is" instead of

tahts nown as booty ball in my home country of Yugoslavia

I think what you mean here is "experiments" not

experim,ents

OK your spelling was not very good but mine is not either I would advise looking through your work and finding the mistakes.

Until later "Good bye and may god be with you."

I hope it helped you out.

Forgive me if I rambled around sorry if I was to harsh.

Keep writing and good luck.

~Jon~