n/a

Greetings, Satan. This is an interesting consept, I must say. What I see here, though, is a rough draft that could be worked into a very, very good story. I'd like to offer some suggestions as tohow this could be improved. Don't get me wrong, I think it could be awesome, but there are some things missing.

First of all, the first section is rather disconnected from the rest of the story. It's like, you're trying to create a couple of mysterious characters in charge of the robots, but nothing is ever revealed about them later, so it would probably be a good idea to turn these few lines into a complete scene. Besides, it's kind of confusing on its own. If nothing else, you should add some description here because "..." isn't grammatically correct at all.

Also, you seem to be implying that ARI is different somehow, by giving her a name and not referring to her by number like the other three, and by the first section. However, this is never really expanded upon, so I haven't got a clue how she's different. Altogether, calling 3 by name makes it kind of disjointed and unfinished. If ARI was number 4 or even number 1, it would make more sense that she's different. But you could also clear that up with a bit of backstory.

You also don't need a line break after every sentence like you've got. That's fine in poetry, but this is prose. You only need a line break with every new paragraph. Also, a new paragraph is needed with each new speaker. Another thing that would make the story more clear is indicating who is speaking more of the time. Just a simple "said 1" or "4 said" here and there would make it much easier on your readers.

Sorry if this seems harsh. I really think this is a great story, but it needs some work to make it all that it could be. Write on, and God bless!

~Dragongirl11