I’m so lost, so lost in a life
Buried in sorrow, dreary with strife
I don’t have wings to sing me away
I don’t know how I’ll stay okay today
I am so alone, I am so numb
The world is a stick and I am the drum
Only a halo can rescue me now
A sweet angel to bless me before I drown
Where are the angels to sing me to sleep
To catch my sorry tears when I break down and weep
My hope for the future is buried so deep
Behind shattered hearts and beneath broken dreams
One wandering day like any other
I stumbled upon a celestial-bright face
I could see through you reyes into forever
The world seemed less of a darkened place
It got brighter and brighter, ever more wonderful
I learned to trust God, I learned to love
For the first time in forever, my life was beautiful
I learned to love you, you were sent from above
Where are the angels to sing my joy this day
To sing Hallelujah in your name, your name
I’ve got hope for tomorrow and hope for today
And on my healing heart and healing dreams I’m flying away
You are my angel, you love me
You are my angel, you make me free
You are my angel, now I can see
You are my angel, and you love me
Very enjoyable, love how it rhymes so well, I would like to hear this in song!!
"I am so alone, I am so numb
The world is a stick and I am the drum
Only a halo can rescue me now
A sweet angel to bless me before I drown
Where are the angels to sing me to sleep
To catch my sorry tears when I break down and weep
My hope for the future is buried so deep
Behind shattered hearts and beneath broken dreams
One wandering day like any other
I stumbled upon a celestial-bright face
I could see through you reyes into forever
The world seemed less of a darkened place"
Just perfect.
Where are the angels to sing me to sleep
To catch my sorry tears when i break down and weep
My hope for the future is buried so deep
Behind shattered hearts and beneath broken dreams
This is my fave part of the poem, even if it is really sad.
Where are the angels to sing me to sleep
’m so lost, so lost in a life
Buried in sorrow, dreary with strife
I don’t have wings to sing me away
I don’t know how I’ll stay okay today
I am so alone, I am so numb
The world is a stick and I am the drum
Only a halo can rescue me now
A sweet angel to bless me before I drown
Wow i thought that bit was very good!
Hi, Sassy!
Very well done!
This was a beautiful piece. You have such a way with words. Your vocabulary is beautiful and effective.
I don't usually do nitpicks, but a couple I found:
I don't really like the assonance in the second line here. It felt like a jab to the gut. "Hey! Hey, person! I'm going to rhyme with the previous line, okay? Okay?! Do you see?! I rhymed!" I'd probably get rid of "today," but either one will work! Then again, maybe it sounds fine to you/others.
An angel to bless you before you drown? D: Silly, speaker! That doesn't make sense. It's not really what they're asking for at all! More like someone to save them from drowning. Not a blessing before the drowning.
I really liked the first half of this stanza! It flowed so well.
I think the one thing that really jumped out at me is the last stanza. I think that could make something of an interesting chorus line? It felt very out of place compared with the rest of the song's structure. Consistency is lovely, and I do love my consistency lykwoah.
I wish more metaphor could be used. Especially the music one. There was a line about being a drum. Well, angels are many times seen with instruments or music. I think that's a technique you could consider using. It's really cool, and I loved that drum line you had in the beginning.
I like how you transitioned from deep sorrow to heavenly relief. It's really very beautiful, and I can't really fully express how beautiful this sounds. Such a lovely job.
I liked this. And actually, I'm totes going to remember the like button. Well done, Kat! I can't wait to read more of your work.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!