i wanted you to stay
i begged and pleaded and cried
yet you couldn’t meet me with even a glance
as you travelled back into the
unforgiving darkness
you couldn’t take it anymore
come back to me, stay with me
you were the light of my life
you lit the way wherever we were together
yet you had to go
yet still i love you
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
I liked how you made a sort of message with the bold words, it's really creative! But, I have a few suggestions. I know it doesn't matter much, but it would be helpful for the reader if you added punctuation so they knew where a new sentence starts. This is also not that important, but you could still improve this poem by adding correct capitalisation. If you didn't add those two things on purpose, just ignore my suggestions. But, it might make the poem more clear if you did. I really like your poem!
I liked how you made a sort of message with the bold words, it's really creative! But, I have a few suggestions. I know it doesn't matter much, but it would be helpful for the reader if you added punctuation so they knew where a new sentence starts. This is also not that important, but you could still improve this poem by adding correct capitalisation. If you didn't add those two things on purpose, just ignore my suggestions. But, it might make the poem more clear if you did. I really like your poem!
Hey i really loved the poem, but i would just ask you to make some changes in the last line which says "yet still i love you" as you would directly say yet i love you or still i love you if this would be something being said to someone... So i would ask you to just make those changes... And finally i will again say its a real awesome poem..
Thanks for the review!
I had to keep those two lines together so I could keep the bold and the normal poem making sense.
Thanks again for the helpful review! You should consider making your reviews longer so your hard work goes into your point bank and your review count!
~Saru
Legacy here for a review.
I immediately read the bolded words first and I am glad that they made a statement on their own. Reading the bold first helped me understand the content more and helped set the mood.
I love how the bolded words are more happy and carefree while the whole poem itself was kinda depressing.
The only thing I would change is the yet situation that another member has already addressed. Other than that, it seems to be a final copy.
(I usually nit pick about capitalized titles because it looks more professional but you didn't have anything capitalized in the poem itself so it isn't as important to me. Also I usually get on people about using punctuation but it seems like this is supposed to read quicker and the punctuation would only get in the way.) Legacy.
I love the idea of having two poems in one.
Hello! Here for a review.
Your poem was simple and direct. The title says it all. It was a fun read and there was like another message in it. It doesn't need to be perfect. There are no perfect things in this world. I see no periods, comma, capital letters and such. You should put some to tell the readers to pause for bit and that is to give them time to picture the scene.
Another, I would suggest that the genre can be dramatic and romantic. There is this melancholic feeling that I felt while reading the poem. (It's just a suggestion, you know.)
Hello, SarukaTheHuman! I don't think I've ever read any of your poems before! I'm just going to jump in with my nitpicky ways and critic it bit by bit.
The title is very fitting
however if you know me I love when titles are capitalized. I do realize you don't have to do so but it looks professional in my opinionMaybe I'm not the person to ask, but I don't think having "yet" so close to each other in the poem works very well. You could easily replace it with something else to make the thoughts flow better.
This to me is a bit choppy, however, like before with the "yet" situation you can very easily fix this by using a conjunction, making a gerund phrase, ect.
One thing I found very adorable about this poem is that when you look at the bold print words it spells "I stay with you; you take me with you wherever we go; I love you.
So sweet!
everyone knows thisbut I think whoever you wrote this for would love it! Keep writing!~Keep <3
Hi
I just have to say first off i liked how you wrote the importants parts of this poem in bold. I could actually line it up to create the message of this poem.
Other then that only took you three minutes wow, even i can't write something that good in the short of time so points to you.
Also this hit me hard in the feels because a year or so ago i lost my Great-Grandmother and it was the hardest thing i ever went to. So this really made me think about her and how we all wanted her to stay with us.
So i thank you for that and keep it going. From what i can tell you are going to be a star.
Love pirateslife4me