I feel sleepy, I close my eyes,
to see a vision before me rise.
Far away in the sky
I see golden, sparkling light,
Like a piece of magic or might.
Path to sky is narrow and I might
Fall down from this incredible height.
Got to reach it, got to keep tight,
It's hard to walk in the darkness of night.
But till the end I will fight
to reach the golden paradise.
As I walk to the worlds this side,
I look down on earth and sigh.
Earthlings' useless, foolish lives
are nothing compared to the upper sight.
And right now it comes to my mind:
Got to walk forward, there's no left and right,
as I remember brave mans lines:
Yes, there are two paths I can go by,
And in the long run I still have enough time
to judge, think and change my mind.
In these thoughts I was as I
walked up to the mystic light.
I get close and get stunned, as my eyes
come across a tall gate, right!
I'm about to touch it to see what lays behind,
but then i suddenly open my eyes,
find myself in my bed, I sigh, and I try
to remember every part of this weird night...
please review! thanks..
It was a very interesting poem. I like how visual it was. And your conventions were good too.
However, there were some minor problems. It's flow was very bumpy and it dulled the beauty of the poem. I liked it thogh, just pay a little more attension to your format.
My rating:8/10
keep writing!
w&w
hello! 
Ok one or two small things
First off Im sure you can think of a better way to say "I close my eyes" I realise that you have a rhyme scheme but try think of a move innovative way to say it
getting back to the rhyme scheme, you dont have a very clear one, my pesonal feelings towards rhyme schemes is that you should either go all out and have a definate one or leave it all together, because, to me anyway, it looks like you have a half rhyme scheme and it just ends up looking messy
Same with the capital letters, either have all your sentences starting with one or only after punctuation
I do like the poem, but if you just correct a few little mistakes and maybe throw in a few innovative words for more umph it could be much better!
120,212 Literary Works • 649,114 Reviews
Points: 451
Reviews: 103
Donate