16+ Mature Content

Goodbye, Pumpkin.

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

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Goodbye, Pumpkin.

“But Daddy!” She whined exhausted and upset “ I'm not sleepy”.

“It’s way past your bedtime honey” I said standing up to turn the Television off.

“No no dad I'm much more mature now daddy, my bed time should be later!’ She responded rubbing her heavy blue eyes.

“Lilith, you’re five!”

“and a half!” she exclaimed half heartedly.

“We will talk about it in the morning, Pumpkin”. I let out a slight groan as I picked up my daughter's petite body off the couch.

She wrapped her arms around me nuzzling her nose into the crease of my neck and mumbling an incoherent argument muffled by my shirt.

We shuffled down the hallway, the floorboards moaned underneath us creaking with each step we took towards Lilith's Bedroom. The house hushed aside from the faint sound of Lilith's delicate breaths.The silence was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

We approached the slightly ajar door, the door was painted every shade of blue we could find in the store. She was convinced that blue was her new favourite colour in the entire world. The month before it was Pink.

Painting my daughters room a new colour every few months isn't exactly the cheapest hobby in the world. Lilith better pick a favourite colour and soon.

I nudged the door open using my free hand, we sauntered into the dark, stuffed animals silhouettes added a certain creepy possessed element to her room when the lights where off but for the most part “Mr. BoBinky” and company helped me convince my daughter to sleep almost every night. So I wasn’t complaining. I could hear Lilith awakening from her light power nap as she began to squirm and groan shielding her eyes from the bright hallway light behind me crossing the room to get to the bed.

“C’mon love, hop into bed”

Surprisingly she obeyed and crawled underneath the covers laying on her back, only her head stuck out of the warm blankets. In proportion to the bed her head and body were far too small for the sea of blankets that surrounded her.

Lilith was four years old but she was so little you wouldn't have been able to guess her age.

I was about to say my goodnights to her when she interrupted me before I even began to speak.

“Daddy I’m scared” she stifled a giggle knowing that I wouldn't take her serious.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes in response. Lilith was the most fearless child I had ever met. Nothing ever scared her for any reason, the girl was too curious for her own good. However at this point she would resort to anything to prolong her time for staying awake.

I pushed a blonde curl out of her eyes and kissed her on the forehead. “Good night, Pumpkin”I whispered as I stood up and turned to walk out the door.

“Daddy, it’s the wolf.”

I stopped dead in my tracks. My heart skipped a beat as I spun around on the balls of my feet.

“Honey..what wolf?:”

“You know what wolf.”

I remember the day he took her. I remember finding her, it was early dawn, the round full moon had just escaped from its usual spot in the sky. She laid there, stunning blue eyes just like Lilith’s wide-open frozen in just one moment before she died. She looked an angel soaked in red.

The cuts around her face and even her mangled body couldn't stop her that her last moments from looking calm and happy as she always was.

He took her from me, and I couldn't stop him.

The hardest part was having to explain to your four year old daughter that mommy would be able to come home. Lilith never really understood, but she knew that mommy was in a better place and that she would look over us.

I had never thought it would come to this. To him taking her from my arms. He was just so vicious, so animalistic.

I couldn't stop the wolf.

I blinked back to reality and look down at my daughter's well acted scared face. “Sweetie Wolf won't hurt any of us dad is taking care of him. Now please sweetie get some sleep, pumpkin.

She let out a large sigh finally gave in “all right daddy”.

“Good night, Pumpkin”.

I walked out of her room pulling the door closed behind me. She never really went to sleep, but I knew I had a half an hour nap time before she would “wake up” and tell me she was thirsty.

I pushed my bedroom door open, the cool breeze of the summer wind hit my face.

My window was wide open the curtains danced in the soft wind. I Heaved a sigh. Lilith must've tried to cool the house down even though we had the air conditioning on.

I walked across the cold floor and put my hands on the window beginning to close

them.

An excruciating pain shot up my arm.

No it couldn't be.

The worst cramps I had ever had set in on my biceps. My arms twisted. I felt my ankles popping. It came on so suddenly. I dropped to my knees, looking through my bedroom window, I saw the full moon. Fur began to sprout from my neck as my muscles stretched and grew. My teeth grew from my mouth as my clothes began to rip from the size of my rapidly growing body.

I heard a little voice behind me. “Daddy?”

My voice dropped deep and I let out with a growl of pain “Goodbye, Pumpkin”

And then the wolf came.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
tigeraye
Review

I liked the characters in this, very relateable and have a sort of quirky, everyday vibe to them. I thought you had a nice touch by having the father complain about the cost of paint; it wasn't a massive plot point, but a really simple thing to remind us of the everyday nature of this family. It makes it all the more wrenching when you get to the plot-twist that the family is actually werewolves. I thought the plot twist was really unique and intriguing; the way you lead us on to think this was just an average family, but then to see what happens at the end...wow...that made my skin crawl in a good kind of way.

This isn't a description heavy story by any means, but you have a nice way of giving the reader just enough detail to tell them where the story is, and what's happening.

There are some grammar issues obviously, but you already said you didn't proofread, so I won't bug you with them. I thought this was a good story, so hopefully you'll share more.

(and it doesn't have to do with the story, but I like your avatar by the way)

User avatar
Rin321
Review
Rin321 wrote a review · Mon Feb 08, 2016 1:48 am

Hey SarahSquib! CHRISSY321 here to review your work! :D

I think that this was a great short story! It had pretty good description, dialogue, and a nice little plot in it. While I was reading though I did see some things that I think you should fix :)

“It’s way past your bedtime honey” I said standing up to turn the Television off.


Here I really do not think that you need to capitalize 'television'. you are not talking about just it, and it is not a proper noun, so I do not think it needs to be capitalized.

“No no dad I'm much more mature now daddy, my bed time should be later!’ She responded rubbing her heavy blue eyes.


Here you do not need her saying dad/daddy twice in the same phrase, plus you need a comma in between the 'no's. It should be written like this:

“No, no I'm much more mature now daddy, my bed time should be later!" She responded rubbing her heavy blue eyes.

(Plus use a the right punctuation after the dialogue)

“and a half!” she exclaimed half heartedly.


Here you should start with an capital 'And' because this not a continuing phrase, plus you want to capitalize the beginning of a sentence :)

Lilith was four years old but she was so little you wouldn't have been able to guess her age.


Up about the dad said she was 5 while explaining why she needed to go to bed, and now he is saying she is four-this is a little confusing. Pick the age!

“Honey..what wolf?:”


What was that ':' for? I think that was sort of random there, or was just a typo.

“Sweetie Wolf won't hurt any of us dad is taking care of him. Now please sweetie get some sleep, pumpkin.


Here you should put a comma after 'us'. With that second sentence I think you should either leave out the 'sweetie' or the 'pumpkin'. It does not flow right the he is calling her two different nicknames in the same phrase, but I would keep the 'pumpkin' though because tat nickname is very important in this story :) ;)


I really liked the description you gave through this story, especially when describing his transformation. It was great to have in this story, and it is a good habit to have :)

Overall I again want to say this was an awesome story! I really loved it and I hope to see more works on here from you! :)
~Chrissy <3

User avatar
amberlemayy
Review

Hello there!
I think this is a pretty interesting story! As it progresses, I think you could do some pretty cool stuff with it. I like how you portray the innocence of Lilith through your words. I can really picture her cute little face and the mischief she tries to create.
There are some inconsistencies throughout the story, though. In the beginning it says that Lilith is 5 and a half years old, but later in the chapter, it says that she is only 4. You also have a few commas missing, such as before quotes, and after quotes when the sentence continues. You also have a little tendency of forgetting periods at the end of your sentences. These are all small things that are easy to fix.
Like I said earlier, I think this is a very interesting story! There are just a few grammatical issues to solve.
Happy writing, pal!

THANK YOU! When I wrote this it was just in the heat of the moment and I never bothered to proofread it through afterwards! I noticed some inconsistencies and grammatical issues through out it AFTER I uploaded it! *facepalm*
I really appreciate you giving me this review and helping me! I'll be sure to actually proofread my work next time haha %uD83D%uDE02



By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.
— Genesis 3:19