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Chased by wolves

by SaraJMaasRules

She ran, slaloming through the trees, ducking under overhanging branches and snapping twigs beneath her feet. Leaping over limp, lifeless bodies, the growling behind her drawing ever closer. A hand appeared above her. Without a second thought, she grabbed it and was hauled into the tree. The storm of matted fur, bloody jaws and pointed ears passed below her. She let out a sigh of relief before turning to her saviour.

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1064 Reviews

Points: 62
Reviews: 1064

Fri Nov 10, 2023 1:17 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...

Good morrow, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

The reviewing shalt commence…

Top Graham Cracker - A girl (or woman) is being chased by wolves when a mysterious hand comes up and saves her from a surely horrifying death…

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow -This is only a short paragraph, so I imagine that there is more to come, but I would like to see her racing thoughts as she is being chased by wolves.

Chocolate Bar -I like how the name of the protagonist is not said and the reason why she’s being chased isn’t stated. It leaves a sense of mystery and horror in the air, leaves the reader to come up with whatever their imagination brings. Imagination is far more terrifying than anything written down…

Closing Graham Cracker - Just from this short paragraph, I’m interested in the story! How long has she been running and will she always be safe? That is to be seen in the story to come.

Goodbye, human!

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5 Reviews

Points: 256
Reviews: 5

Fri Nov 03, 2023 3:24 pm
Voidsoul wrote a review...

Hi! I really love this paragraph- it flows wonderfully and tells a very descriptive story- but I did notice a few things technique-wise.

First, the second sentence is actually a fragment I believe- although it's implied, there's no subject explicitly stated- no one is actually doing the leaping. Adding 'she' or the character's name to the beginning and changing the tense a little ('leaped' instead of 'leaping') would fix that.

Second, new paragraphs usually start when you start a sentence with a new/different object/character (like the hand/character who saved her). I would suggest making the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth sentences each their own paragraph since they each deal with a different subject (the hand, the girl, the wolves, and back to the girl).

I'm usually not this picky about grammar and such, but I don't have much to work with here since the rest was amazing XD I was instantly drawn into the story and would love to read more!

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386 Reviews

Points: 27584
Reviews: 386

Thu Nov 02, 2023 10:46 pm
Dossereana says...

Hi SaraJMaasRules I really like this paragraph from your story and I'm really intrigued to read the actual story that goes with it. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sharing a link to it under this comment if you've posted it that is? :D

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