Sitting in this soothing dark
Listening with bitter heart.
Your voice an angel
A silken boon,
A reminder that it ended soon.
That melancholy song you’d sing
With raspy voice, just whispering.
A flame too bright
It could not last,
Fire without kindling
Comes to pass.
As time goes by I’ll listen close
And remember what I could have chose.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi there, I like the uniqueness of the poem and it's something new in terms of the theme and diction.
This is the part I like. It looks easy but it has its own strengths. Is it a poem that speaks about the world in the last days? I also like the metaphor of the 'silky boon.'
I am impressed with the the end of the poem. I was really stunned when reading it. You did not mention it outright, just enough to make the reader think that all with the aspects of their own thoughts. Diction that you use affect the tone of voice whether as a reminder/ an alert/ etc. It gives variations in the poem, including a convincing tone of voice. Keep writing!
Kudos, cheers
This is an awesome poem, seriously.
I really like how you're made this flow, with the rhymes you've used. The last line is really powerful, and really rounds off the poem too, which I personally find rather difficult.
Your syllables are really well done, and I love the:
"That melancholy song you’d sing
With raspy voice, just whispering."
I really think this works well as all the words just fit together perfectly and I like your punctuation in this too, your commas and full stops are in the right place!
Overall, awesome poem, you've done a great job here. I look forward to seeing more of your work!
-CFG