Copied from one of my earlier notebooks. I wrote this in fifth, possibly sixth grade.
Are those tears from your eyes or the love of the lies?
Did I win?
Did I win?
Against who?
Darling?
Honey?
Listen lovely,
No one will ever care.
Is that to cover your face or to hide your disgrace?
I love you
I need you.
No one's there.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
I can see that it means something, which is important.
I can also see that the repetition is done well, and I happen to enjoy these poems.
What I cannot see is the point. The poem lacks any sort of direction and thus loses all the meaning it could have had. I understand that it was written some time ago, but that does not mean could not have fixed those problems up a little.
It is short and while I somewhat like it, it has no purpose and is odd at times. Not a good odd either.
I would suggest a complete overhaul. Use the talents you have now, since that time, to edit and vamp it up a bit.
It has potential, good luck.
*Hearts* Le Penguin.
Thats deep for gradeschool.
I like it, it makes me think about so much. I find it evokes the morality in me.
The rhyme-scheme fits perfectly.
Loves it!