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Partners

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Why don't they understand! I was here to help, to lead, but just because I'm American I can't do anything but eat. I shouldn't have moved here. No one wants to work with me because I'm "not a people person" the only one who would agree to be my parter was a young Irish boy; a rookie. The humility! This is a joke! I want to go home! I want to go back to the states! London sucks!! This small apartment was soon going to have both of us in it. I will meet my new "partner". Can't wait.

The boy's name is Colin.

He was lanky, frail, unconfident, hard to believe he even survived the transformation. I scoffed. A werwolf? More like a chiuwawa. Though his eyes. His eyes were like gold shimmering in the sun.

I could tell he was studying me as I walked around him, judging him and making snide comments in my head. He was probably thinking; this girl can't possibly be a vampire. She's too small, not pretty enough, sure doesn't look strong enough.

Finally I stood in front of him. He was tall but awkward.

"So... Werwolf." I said spitting the word like it was poison.

"Vampire." He said smugly.

"Are you ready? Because I'm going to train you. You lanky piece of jerky."

"I can take anything you can dish out." He said leaning forward to get in my face. I could tell he was trying to make me feel small but I knew how to handle this. I leaned forward getting closer than I really wanted to.

"Get ready for hell."

The next month was as fun as watching a fairy finding its niche. At least for me. He was cocky at first, thinking he had it handled. But I quickly wiped that grin off of his pale Irish face. He had to capture an elf as a test and I was doubled over in laughter the whole time they were running through the trees. Colin was wishing it was night so that he could change, but even that wouldn't be enough. Finally the young elf girl slowed down and let him catch her. She gave him a peck on the lips and jumped away again, happy the way her little game had gone. He was dead tired but I wouldn't let him sleep.

"What are you doing Jerky!?" I yelled at him "Get up! We aren't finished yet!"

"You're supposed to train me, not kill me!"

"Are you wimping out?" I said, taunting him.

"Definitely not." I smiled at him.

"Then get up."

Test after test Colin completed. He failed quite a lot but then soon started to win. He captured the elf earlier each time, he got faster on his human and wolf feet. He stopped being cocky and started to understand his real strength. I would never admit it but I was proud of him.

Weeks pasted and I was crushing walnuts with my fingers when he stepped into our apartment living room without a shirt on. I looked up and my hand completely shattered the drink I was holding. He was no longer lanky or frail. He was built. There were a few scratches on his chest from the tests I put him through. But they made him look older. His face didn't changed much, he still had the golden eyes I saw the first day he stepped foot into our apartment.

"It's time Colin." I said, brushing the glass from my hand.

I opened the fridge and smiled at the even split between my blood bags and Colin's raw meat and other things.

"Hazel..." I turned around and saw him leaning awkwardly on the counter looking at the ground. "I... I want to thank you... I don't think they would have even considered letting me into field work if it wasn't for you." I smiled and zipped over to him.

"Don't go all soft on me you big poodle. Of course they wouldn't have let you on the field without my help." I zipped into the living room and grabbed my purse. "Let's go. The meeting is starting soon and you don't even have your shirt on."

We walked into the meeting room. Automatic doors leading us through the maze of white hallways. Everything smelled like a hospital and it made me scrunch my nose up in distaste. The hallways led us into a big glass room with a long table and tall white chairs. People of all races and creatures of all kinds sat around it. At the head of the table was the leader of HQ. Also the leader of the Fae's, fairy like creatures with strong minds, able to make a man go insane with just riddles. Definitely not the kinds of people you want to get on your bad side. He stood up and his white hair dipped to the floor.

"I am Ryio." He looked towards us. "You must be the Vampire and Werwolf I have been seeing practicing for a month now. Is it not?" I stepped forward.

"It is Sir." I bowed slightly to him. To the Fae's it's a symbol of sincere respect. Colin was still staring at Ryio in a daze. I elbowed him in the ribs and he bowed too. "Colin is requesting to go into field work. I believe he is ready. I trained him myself." Ryio looked him up and down, judging his size and trying to assess his strength.

"So what's your name Werwolf?" I watch Colin tried to stand taller and broaden his shoulders.

"Colin, Sir." Ryio looked at him suspiciously.

"Why do you want to go into field work? I requires you to bring in adolescents and adults who have been changed or gone rebellious. Is this something you for sure want to do?" Colin looked directly at him. With true admiration.

"Yes." I smiled and moved closer to him. Holding his hand behind my back.

"Ok then." Ryio said. He looked to me. "Would it be ok if he continued being your partner? I know your levels excel his but I think with proper training he can be one of the Greats."

I smiled hugely, my fangs slipping out from excitement and I almost yelled back;

"Of course!!" I regained my posture, a little embarrassed from my outburst. "Yes."

We were silent and quiet until we reached the apartment. Colin opened the door and we both stepped inside. Both of us stopped and stared at each other.

"I DID IT!!!!!!" Colin picked me up and spun my around. "I mean.... WE did it." I smiled at him. "Let's celebrate."

I walked to the cannot and got some wine glasses, champagne, and blood wine for me.

"To partners." I said.

"To partners." And our glasses clinked.

Comments & reviews · 5
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deleted30
Review

This was good. I have to say I don't normally care for werewolf/vampire stories, but this surprised me in its originality. Particularly the elf-catching test, as others have mentioned below. It was funny and held my interest.

My main complaint would be that the pacing felt a bit fast to me. I would've liked to have seen a little more of how they got to that ending, personally. There were misspellings, to be sure, most notably the word werewolf that you spelled "werwolf," but others have already gone over those so I won't bother.

I think that if you cleaned it up a little, fixed the misspellings, and gave it a little more polish, it would be a really great story. Nice work! :)

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NayNay317 Review

I think your short story is very interesting! I enjoyed the fact that it had fictional creatures in it. Some minor errors are found but, other then that you did great! You should definitely keep writing. I also liked how you added in small but important things in, like Colins eyes or the blood in the fridge. Great job!

Hi, I'm Celticmusicgirl and I'll be reviewing your work here today.

I really liked this piece. It is sort of like twilight in that it is a different take on vampires and werewolves. It was very interesting the way you also included elves and such. You made this really interesting.
I did spot a few errors though.
First,You said ""So... Werwolf." I said spitting the word like it was poison." I think it is Werewolf if I'm not mistaken. Correct me if I am wrong though.

Second, You said "Weeks pasted and I was crushing walnuts with my fingers when he stepped into our apartment living room without a shirt on." I think it should be passed.

Third,You said "His face didn't changed much, he still had the golden eyes I saw the first day he stepped foot into our apartment." I believe you meant "hadn't changed much"

Last, You said ""I am Ryio." He looked towards us. "You must be the Vampire and Werwolf I have been seeing practicing for a month now. Is it not?" I stepped forward." Again I believe that it is Werewolf.

Other than these few minor errors, you did an excellent job on this piece. I want to encourage you to write more of this story. I would love to find out what happens next. PM me if you have any questions, comments, or just want to talk. Also, if you post more of this story please PM me.

Thanks for your review! I know I had a few minor errors I wrote this in a flash I am currently writing the next chapter and ill be sure to PM you when I post it and I'm reviewing it more closely too :)

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Usero
Review
Usero wrote a review · Fri Nov 15, 2013 11:26 am

I liked it. Even though I'm not a big fan of stories which involve magical elements, you made it sound as humanly as possible. The whole set where she is all hesitant initially and then later start falling for him could have been expressed more naturally. It had a complete feeling.. From start till end.cheers. Looking forward to your future works.
Usero.

Thank you very much! I will be sure to edit it and make changes to make her falling for him more smooth :)

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Empress
Review
Empress wrote a review · Thu Nov 14, 2013 6:59 pm

Hiya!

So first off, nice simple title. This piece is both intriguing and well written!

Also, great hook, although I'd be inclined to have that first sentence end in a question mark and have it in its own paragraph. And, 'the only one who would', should be a new sentence. And no offence, but I'm really not a fan of excessive exclamation marks and I really wouldn't have two in a row!! :P

You write with a very effective style through the use of short sentences and fragments. But there are several typos:

'A werwolf? More like a chiuwawa.' This should be 'werewolf' and 'chihuahua'.

I love the fairy simile. And it's effective how we are not explicitly told these characters are magical creatures, it is just dropped into the conversation.

This line:
"What are you doing Jerky!?" I yelled at him "Get up! We aren't finished yet!"
Should be:
"What are you doing, Jerky?" I yelled at him. "Get up, we aren't finished yet!"

This:
"It's time Colin." I said, brushing the glass from my hand.
Should be:
"It's time, Colin," I said, brushing the glass from my hand.

Can you 'zip' over to someone?

Love the Fae's.

This:
"It is Sir."
Should be:
"It is, Sir."

Again, not sure about having six exclamation marks in a row! And I assume by 'cannot' you mean 'cabinet'.

The ending is very nicely written though.

Overall, this is a truly great short story. I did have my reservations when I saw it was another vampire/werewolf thingy (sigh), but you made it work.

So the concept of the elf test is fascinating. And I'd be intrigued to find out more about this mysterious HQ and what the partners are for. To fight some conflict, perhaps?

Well done, and keep writing :)

Bethan

Thank you very much for the review! I didn't edit closely enough and I hues I was just excited to post my first work but I love the positive criticism. Again thank you and I will be sure to think of your review when I write the next chapter :)



People ask if I ever experience writer's block and I just have to laugh... that's my default position.
— Aaron Sorkin