Reflection...Perception...Perfection...Direction...
//
Staring at your mirror
What do you see?
I know it’s not what you want it to be.
//
Magical Mirror
Hanging on your wall
So bewitched and obsessed, you don’t see when you fall.
//
Desperate to please the Mirror
You bury yourself under liquid and power
You carve yourself a mask from plastic with scalpels
//
You worship the Mirror.
You beg It’s approval,
But It’s cold, hard stare will remain the same
However far you go.
//
Don’t let your Perceptions decide your Direction.
//
It’s never too late
To turn this life around.
//
You’re never too far away
To swim back to the surface.
//
And emerge, refreshed,
Free from chains of Metal and Glass,
To bathe in the warmth of deeper love
Unrestrained by the Mirror that hangs behind.
//
It’s your choice.
To swim below in search of gold,
Or to return above and reclaim the sun.
But know this,
//
Your Reflection will never show you Perfection.
//
Having trouble with paragraphs for some reason, hence all the slashes. Enjoy!
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hi there, Sanareth! I'm Conrad Rice, and I'll be your reviewer for today!
So, I kind of liked this poem. Especially that second to last stanza, the one that begins with "It's your choice." The one above it is also pretty good. Both of those stood out to me as the best parts of the poem.
But, I think that you need to make your message a bit more subtle. As it is, some people may not appreciate being walloped over the head as this poem does. Try weaving the message into the poem, instead of overlaying it on it. Then this might be a bit more accessible to others.
So, all in all, a good poem, but you do need to work on it a little. PM me if you have any questions or comments.
Good job, and good luck.
-Conrad Rice
I really enjoyed this. I liked how you pointed out that beauty is superficial and that you will never be pleased with something so fickle. I thought you wrote this poem wonderfully, it flowed well and there weren't too many redundancies.
My only real criticism would be that of your punctuation. First of all, you punctuate poetry just like you would if this were a normal paragraph. You put commas and periods were it is most natural to pause or break. You don't need to capitalise every line, just those that follow after a period. Also, there were a few words that your capitalised, I am not sure if you were trying to emphasis them, but it felt like the capitalizations weren't necessary. I would keep Mirror capitalised since that seems to be a proper noun. However I would not capitalise deception, perfection, reflection, or direction unless they are at the start of a new sentence.
Other than that, good job!
This is really good! I don't think that poems really need a pattern. Poems are a way to get out your scrambled feelings and/or thoughts, so no pattern is needed. Keep up the good work!
I liked it, and it totally made sense. I love how in depth it was.
Here are a few nitpicks.
Did you mean powder?
Maybe: You beg for It's approval?
I know poetry doesn't always have rhyming, but some pattern is always involved in poetry.
Try to define the pattern in your poetry, to make it flow together more.
This was a great piece, well worth my time. I loved it!