This was a really deep poem, and has potential to be great.
Everybody already covered the grammatical things, etc.
I agree with spike that you should add some imagery to this poem. It would become much more effective that way.
I also agree with piepiemann that the concept was rough and a bit difficult to grasp at first. But perhaps you intended for it to be that way.
Overall, nice job. The flow was fine except for a few places and even with the lack of imagery, it had deep emotions and purpose.
-GC10
Points: 890
Reviews: 95
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