Published August 30, 2012
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The poem is subtle with an undertone of 'righteous' anger right at the end. I like it. You have managed to do what most writers find difficult to do. You give readers the impression that you are simply telling a tale of feelings felt by another. Like a voice for another vessel. That's good and in my opinion, the hallmark of writing poems. Although most poems that take your style end up being boring, your subtle words and strong message makes us think about our actions. Therefore, as a writer you've committed a change; all at a young age! You have a flame and I think you should tend your flame!
The poem is subtle with an undertone of 'righteous' anger right at the end. I like it. You have managed to do what most writers find difficult to do. You give readers the impression that you are simply telling a tale of feelings felt by another. Like a voice for another vessel. That's good and in my opinion, the hallmark of writing poems. Although most poems that take your style end up being boring, your subtle words and strong message makes us think about our actions. Therefore, as a writer you've committed a change; all at a young age! You have a flame and I think you should tend your flame!
Hey there!
Well, I enjoyed this. I think that it got to the point, without being excessive and stereotypical. I applaud the fact that you are only 13, and can write at such caliber. (13 year olds here can barely spell) It is a simple, yet sophisticated poem. Overall, keep up the good work!
~Epic
Poems ARE usually spaced. However, in this case, I kind of like the way it is now. I think, in some way, it fit with the peace. Either way, I really liked it. You summed everything up nicely. <3
Yours psychotically,
- thelocalmaniac
I kept trying to space them into stanzas, but they wouldn't work =\
This is a nice little poem, but usually, you should space your lines when writing poetry.
Can you picture? Someone fighting for their life.
Can you hear? The screams pounding in my ears.
Can you taste? The bitterness of tears from pain you can't express.
Can you feel? Loneliness that you can't explain.
Have you ever? Walked alone *for miles.
Shouldn't you? Think before you speak.
Couldn't you? Give back what you took.
*Whether that be, Innocence. Love. Or even purity. No. Because even now, you still don't think.
With a little more practice, I'm sure you can be a great writer; you've got a lot of potential. =)
again, for some reason it would space them out. I don't really know how.