Published December 30, 2011
( The storyline is supposed to be unclear, feedback would be lovely!:D ) 
'I tried to get up, but I lost balance immediately. Wherever we were, it reeked of moist skin. ‘I can’t move’ Rosie complained. ‘Me neither, that must be... the first thing that we both have in common.’ I snorted with laughter. Her laugh seemed to elevate the spirit of the room, and gave me a happy, warm feeling. Then she stifled the laughter as if she wasn’t... allowed to laugh. The gloomy atmosphere drifted back.
The whole place shuddered. I didn’t move nor breathe. ‘Plip... Plop’ Droplets of water began nervously tapping somewhere far away from us. For the first time in my life I felt protected, shielded by the darkness. ‘Plop...Plop...’ I wondered what Rosie was thinking at this very moment. The room seemed paralysed, the peace was almost overwhelming. I inhaled and exhaled slowly and silently. The dripping noise stopped. ‘WHOOSH!’ A roaring cloud of fire blazed up and ignited what now appeared to be a cavern, the size of a hangar. The cloud blasted through walls of dirt and hot air surged forward at us aswe scrambled in an attempt to avoid the blast. I rolled over the pile that supported us, and just before I hit the floor the blast caught me. My arm exploded with excruciating, burning pain. I screamed in agony. A racing wave of flames smacked into the pile that stood between us and the fire. Fire crashed into the cavern wall towering behind our heads and sliced through it like cake. The walls gave way; and crumbled...'
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140,942 Literary Works • 673,774 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, this is a really interesting start to a scene here. It starts out as a very relaxed and rather laid back scene with two characters just having a fun conversation with each other and you can sense a nice easy camaraderie of sorts between the two of them and then in the second half of this paragraph, the tone undergoes a dramatic shift and it ends on the note of a gloomy and foreboding atmosphere as one of these two somehow appear to be forbidden from laughing for some reason...well as a reader, this one certainly catches you very much by surprise here.
Oh wow..well, that is a powerful shit...from a small sense of a gloomy atmosphere things immediately become very tense as if something very bad is about to happen. The dripping of the water really adds to the effect almost like everything is quiet and people are waiting for the other shoe to drop..and then we have a massive explosive situation going down here and suddenly its all fiery death and pain there...a very powerful excerpt that you have chosen here...that much is certain. This seems interesting enough that it looks like a story that I just might read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry