[001 - Evidence]
Translations are at the end.
_
komm aus Pari, komm aus Prag,
alle Leuten haben gefrag’:
‘Wo ist Sonne, immer heiter--
warum scheint die Licht nicht weiter?’
It was me—
I did your laundry last night. I pulled apart the seams
and washed the spaces in between, looking for dust, dirt,
that damning yellow star. Proof of purchase.
Proof of existence. A birth certificate for the blind—
something tactile and permanent;
barcodes on skulls &
ink in veins. Maybe,
I would not be alone if it was still there.
you, the victim
me, the lady--
don’t we make a pretty pair,
ragged clothes & singed black hair.
wer in der Nacht rennt später, später
ist den schönes neu Verräter.
_
(1) come from Paris, come from Prague
all the people have asked--
"Where is the always-cheerful sun--
why doesn't the light shine anymore?"
(2) who runs late, late into the night
is the most beautiful new traitor.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Wow, this was great! You're talking about WW2, right?
Your imagery is very effective. I especially like,
"I pulled apart the seams
and washed the spaces in between, looking for dust, dirt,
that damning yellow star."
I also think the German made it more powerful, giving it a sense of mystery and reality at the same time.
The only problem is, I can't quite grasp the full meaning. Who is the speaker? Is she someone who helped the Jews? Am i just crazy in thinking this is WW2-ish?
I don't know how you could make it more clear though. I dunno. I really like it anyway.
Hope i helped in any strange way.
--Anna
That was a rather unusual poem (in my opinion). Unusual but good. I'm saying good, rather than great or brilliant because, well. Whilst I was reading it it was just words. A poem goes from good to great for me when I get some emotion, some feeling from it.
Sorry if I'm sounding a bit mean.
this was good, although i think you could have done a little better with the translation part:
komm aus Pari, komm aus Prag,
alle Leute haben gefrag’:
‘Wo ist Sonne, immer heiter--
warum scheint die Licht nicht weiter?’
(come from Paris, come from Prague
all the people have asked--
"Where is the always-cheerful sun--
why doesn't the light shine anymore?").....
......wer in der Nacht rennt später, später
ist den schönes neu Verräter.
( who runs late, late into the night
is the most beautiful new traitor.)
it makes it easier for the reader to understand the full meaning of the poem