Published September 17, 2005
dude,
someday your life will be cut short by some guy in the clouds with a giant pair of scissors. so cross your fingers and 'be prepared'
let loose the tears that hide between mascara-caked eyelashes and banish potato chips to that neverending pit of despair in your belly.
walk away from the splashes of blood spilled over you and sidestep girls clinging to you like a fourth-of-july popsicle stuck to your tongue. erase the dulling scars hiding under ivory skin (and do your goddamn math homework, while you're at it)
don't wanna be just the flavor of the week.
don't wanna be the next backstreet boys- you're in, and then you're out.
you don't have two chances.
go for it, dude.
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Hehe, thanks, Bek!
I don't like 'em either...just had to put something down so it sounded finished.
very intersting, Sam.
someday your life will be cut short by some guy in the clouds with a giant pair of scissors. so cross your fingers and 'be prepared'
heh. edward scissor hands, and lion king. and a few other things as well. nicely done, intentional or not (amybe a combination? the first parts a reference to a book, I take it? haven't read it, yet).
don't wanna be the next backstreet boys
ok, leave it at that much, and it works much better.
last two lines. I don't really care for them. a little chiched, and I think you can restate that in a more original, and purely Sam way.
(loved the math homework reference, by the way. made me laugh.. prolly not for the same reasons as you, though, eh?)
oh yes. the mascara lines seems a little long..other than that, I'm done (not in nit-pick mode, so if you want I can come back when I am..)
LOL well power to you!!!! I like that time period too, but I would not have read that for fun. I'm glad my teacher turned me on to it though, it was worth reading.
It is. But so much fun to mock...
I didn't read it for class, just for fun since I'm a colonial America geek. 'Twas still cool.
i thought it was interesting. then they made us do a similar sermon that evokes feelings on certain issues. we did it on recial hate crimes. i got an A on that, so sinners in the hands of an angry god did help, and it was an interesting read, but after the third time reading it in class i got kind of bored of it. it is a part of history though!
Oooh, Cotton Mather...fun guy...
And yes! I have!
It was...er...enjoyable...
I feel you, I understand where you're coming from. I liked it.
comes from, since it talks about how we're all hanging by strings and at any moment God could just cut the string and send you straight to Hell.By the way, have you ever read "Sinners in the Hands of An Angry God?" It's a sermon from Puritan times where the phrase
(I had to read it for my English class. Not cool.)
Ahh...inside joke...
Thanks!
Yeah. I need a break.
Pretty good. I like it except for one thing:
It seemed unecessary with the rest of the poem. I guess it's just me, because I really hate that word.
Other thant that, you had some pretty neat images in here, like: "let loose the tears that hide between mascara-caked eyelashes and banish potato chips to that neverending pit of despair in your belly. " and I liked how you ended the poem, because it really seemed to fit.
It's cool to see you do poetry after so much Hourglass (which I want more of, by the way!).
Just one thing that bugged me.
don't wanna be just the flavor of the week.
don't wanna be the next backstreet boys- you're in, and then you're out.
The point you make here is very obvious; you don't need to restate what you have just said with the 'you're in' part.
Very nice, besides that.
You really has some good imagery here, like:
"...sidestep girls clinging to you like a fourth-of-july popsicle stuck to your tongue..."
And 'Mascara caked eyelashes' is great.
But I'm not sure what you were telling the 'dude' to go for. That's a good thing in the way that anyone who reads this poem can relate to it. But maybe expand the poem to include what your saying the 'dude' to go for.
Or not, it works either way.
But other then that this is a great poem, I liked it because I can relate to it...especially now