Published June 29, 2005
Well...this is my first attempt at a rhyming poem. Very reminiscent of the population 10,000 town I used to live in. 
***
Welcome to Krapport, USA...
where the tabby cat does as he may
eating mice that have gone astray
where housewives cook and clean
scrubbing pots to a lusty sheen
where cows are milked
where corn is picked
where the barber shaves
listening to customers' rants and raves
where the banker relies on numbers and charts
and the schoolboy finds amusement in amplified farts
where the parking meters never work
where christmas lights are left on year round
where the dusty cafe serves taffees, toffees
and watery coffees
where the local kids ride to the store
for bubblegum, candy bars, and more
where the fourth of july lasts all year long
where the McDonald's parking lot serves as the teen hangout
where the cops sit at the curb
eating doughnuts (do not disturb)
where the buildings are more than a little bare
fallen into a sad state of disrepair
where legends are born, and legends will stay...
Welcome to Krapport, USA.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,290 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
Well I happen to live in a small town... we're not like this! ... Okay, maybe a little... all right! We are!
I know you already know this, but I'll say it anyway: rhyming is difficult to do. No duh. Anyway...
In my personal opinion (you don't have to share it), the introductory line shouldn't rhyme with the first line in the first stanza. Unless you have all the second lines of the "mini-stanzas" rhyme with the first and second lines of the next stanzas. Then, it sounds great. Just try and keep the rhyme scheme similar. But other than that, I really like it. Good descriptions, rather natural rhyming. Good job!
Sam... you got small town, USA, alright.
where the parking meters never work
where christmas lights are left on year round
yeah.. that just about sums it all up, doesn't it?
5ht stanza, 4 line was really awkward, I though, and like Hekate said, forced rhyming.
Wait.. this is your first attempt at rhyming poems? Nice.
I LOVE IT! you explain everything so well Sam, but you need to work on the rhyming a little. In a few places it sounded very forced.
"and the schoolboy finds amusement in amplified farts"