The voice grabs my hand and pulls me back out the door. The night is still, the ground below soft and thick. Can hear the faint sound of water rushing over rocks.
The voice stops, leaving us next to a small brook running below.
“Remove your clothes,” she says.
Earlier, I would have said no, not in front of a girl. Now? What the hell.
My back hurts as I try to peel the shirt over my head. What’s left of my britches falls off my hips as soon as I undo the first button. I’ve grown tiny.
Afraid of what I’ll see, I don’t dare look down at my body. I edge into the water. It’s surprisingly deep; it comes up to my waist.
Ah, God.
I sink to the bottom, letting all the filth and sin and lie wash downstream. The poor widow living in the house downstream can have all that. I don’t want it anymore.
When I don’
I stand up again.
“Jesus Christ,” the voice spits. “You’re s…skinny,”
I’d forgotten about her. I quickly cover my chest with my arms. The water covers to the rest of my body.
The voice tosses me a bar of soap. It skids across the water, foaming as it goes. I grab it, then go under the water again.
The combination of cold water and oily soap is pure bliss.
When I come up for are, the voice is chiding.
“Come out, then,” she says. “You’ll catch cold.”
Yeah, I think. That’s the least of my worries right about now.
I clamber out, immediately putting on the britches and shirt, both a bit too big for me, but it doesn't matter. I love the feeling of the water (still) against my skin.
Inside, there is mass of chicken and gravy on a rough metal plate awaiting us at the table. I wait for the voice to sit down, then I follow suit.
“Eat, dearest,” the lady says.
I clasp my hands together under the table.
Thank you, God. For everything.
It’s mad, I know. But I hope He’ll understand.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So I think this is either the second or the third piece with this name that I am reading so uhh...I still haven't actually figure out what the story is so sorry if I say something stupid because of that. Besides that this part in itself was a pretty neat little story.
Anyway let's get right to it,
That last sentence appears to be missing a subject but besides that the rest of this opening statement is done quite well I think. Its definitely a very catchy one.
I suppose I should have read more than one other random part of this because I can't quite figure out what exactly he means by that line so sorry about that.
That actually sounds like a horrible thing to say if you actually consider those words for a minute so I'm just going to mention that.
Definitely a true fact.
It's still good advice Mr. Protagonist who I don't know the name of.
Okay that was a confusing transition there because I have no idea what they actually went inside of. Maybe this was mentioned in the earlier part but if it wasn't you really need a couple more lines to show them going inside something.
Okay decent ending there. Bit neutral on that one.
Aaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall besides that one strange transition that I mentioned the story flowed very smoothly. The language that you used was great and we got a fairly good sense of what our protagonist was like so overall this is a pretty good piece. Good job!
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Ah, well. All shall be revealed when the Almighty Author sees fit. That works for me.
btw: it's great that you had him strip for her. Funny funny. Still don't know why he can't see her though. Is he blinded or something?