CASE #926164
Defendant: Pelham Stockton Scribe: Numen
Abilities: Telekinesis
Accusations: Misuse of Magical Abilities, Negligence, Reckless Endangerment
Lord Order: This meeting shall begin.
Lady Chaos: Pelham Stockton, you are accused of Misuse of Magical Abilities, Negligence, and Reckless Endangerment. How do you plead?
Pelham: Innocent! My Lords.
Lady Truth: This is the third time you’ve been to a court.Each time your son has testified against you. I think you’ll find that we’re not as forgiving as the City Justice Systems you’re used to. Do you want to change your plea?
Pelham: No. He’s a pathological liar! He just wants to get me in trouble so he doesn’t have to do his chores!
Lady Wisdom: Show some respect!
Pelham: My Lords. I apologize.
Lady Chaos: Call in the witness.
*A young boy enters the room*
Lord Order: State your name.
Foley: Foley Stockton My Lord.
Lady Hope: What’s your story honey?
Foley: Uh, my dad, he threw a table at me.
Lady Justice: Did he use his hands?
Foley: Uh no. My Lord. He used his mind.
Lord Freedom: Has he done things like that before?
Foley: Yes My Lord. He throws a lot of stuff.
Lord Despair: It scares you, doesn’t it? And you can’t stop him…
Foley: Yes My Lord?
Lady Hope: Despair!
Lord Deception: Adorable! I move to keep them!
Lady Justice: We can’t keep a witness, you imbecile!
Lord Deception: I meant your dimples beautiful!
Lady Justice: Shut. Up. Now.
Lord Order: Order! Witness, you may leave. Deception, what have we talked about?!
Lord Deception: *Incomprehensible*
Lady Justice: Prison! And he should lose custody of the poor child!
Lord Mercy: For once I agree with her.
Lady Truth: Scum of the Earth! I hope he learns his lesson.
Lady Chaos: All in favor?
Everyone: Aye.
Lord Order: It’s settled then. Eight years in The Prison and loss of custody. This meeting is adjourned.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well...this was quite an interesting take on a court...not too many actual fantasy elements involved there despite being a fantasy story...just the powers really but that's fine...it does seem pretty realistic for a court scene at any rate.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that's a pretty cool little card there to start things off with, giving us enough information to understand exactly what's happening and make thing feel very realistic. Hmm...let's see where this leads I suppose.
Okay...some pretty interesting judges there...as a court in a fantasy world...I wonder what kind of powers all these judges might hold and if their names are somehow tied to all of this.
Well that is an interesting statement to plead...not gonna lie that one cracked me up properly for a bit there with the whole chores part of it.
Okay...that seems like normal court proceedings so far....everything is being kept formal enough and it seems realistic
not that I know anything about court proceedingsOkay...not entirely a judge would talk like that, even if its to a small boy but I suppose its possible...its not too far in the realm of possibilities.
Okay...just casually mentioning that someone throws a table at you is quite troubling...cause it looks like its just an everyday occurence and not something huuge that happened to traumatize him.
Hmm...well that question mark is interesting...
Okay....that touch of humor came out of absolutely nowhere but I am not complaining.
Hmm...that went in a direction that we just did not see coming there...
Okay...well everything is back to normal and he's being sentenced to what appears to be a pretty nominal sentence for a situation like that.
Okay...solid little ending there...
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall...it was a pretty nice little story to read...also....small thing...but this reads very much like a script despite being in the novel category...so not sure if you put it there accidentally here?
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Love this look forward to seeing more in the future.
Since this is a fantasy court I am assuming it works differently than a "real court" thus having several judges. I love to see the dynamics of this it is fascinating!
It could be improved by adding more evidence and or witnesses that would also make it longer.
again can't wait to see more.
uh (insert creative closing)
Hello there!
I don't have much time to write a thorough review on this right now because I'm in the midst of moving house, but I'll put something together for you ~
I'm using this article to guide me while I look through this, and I recommend you check it out if you're curious about writing more courtroom / law-related scenes in the future, whether they be a more realistic themed scene or something that's high-fantasy focused.
Now, I do have a few things to point out here about accuracy to real courtrooms:
The referencing by full name towards the beginning is rather accurate, so I'd keep that. Although, you are missing the key part to introducing a supposed criminal; the court date, the introduction to the person who made the allegation, and a general setting to the crime. The fact there is no lawyer doing the talking is also strange to me.
I'm also unsure about the world you have created here, but is misuse of magical abilities a capital offense or not? In a world with magic being so important, you have to consider all of the options and include that into these kind of scenes.
The lawyer defending our "criminal" would be crying out objections as of now. This is trying to manipulate Pelham into changing their mind, making an assumption without using circumstantial evidence from the crime scene, and just being plain unprofessional.
Once again, this is toying with the emotions of a jury and the witness. The judge would call this off as soon as it happened, so it isn't important to your set plot unless that's the effect you are trying to make in this scene. Not sure how I feel about that if it's the case, though.
Those are all of the main things I saw while reading, but it all wraps back into the playing with emotions and lack of evidence problem I mentioned.
Cheers!
Thanks! This was really helpful, though I'm not going for 100% accuracy. You're right about the unprofessionalism as well, it's more of how the characters are. I will definitely think about these! Thank you again!
Love this look forward to seeing more in the future.
Since this is a fantasy court I am assuming it works differently than a "real court" thus having several judges. I love to see the dynamics of this it is fascinating!
It could be improved by adding more evidence and or witnesses that would also make it longer.
again can't wait to see more.
uh (insert creative closing)