I heard the sound of tears dropping into a puddle of water… or maybe it was a puddle of tears. It has been so long that I have been in here, enveloped in the darkness... wait… darkness? Why am I in darkness? Why can’t I see anything? Am I dreaming? I opened my eyes as I gasped for air and found myself lying down. My tongue tasted of dry saliva and dust and the sheer amount of it made me sneeze. Is this still a dream..? How long have I been here? Calm yourself. Ask the right questions for now. Where am I and what am I doing here?
I saw nothing but the dark. My head ached and my hands were sore. I extended my arms to the side. It only extended for a brief moment until I touched the sides of something. Slimy and slippery. Moss? Slowly, I pivoted my arms toward the front and felt a draft brush against my hands. It’s an opening. A lid? Is this… am I buried? Why? I shook off the thought. It doesn't matter. I pushed against the lid, even used my head to push. It opened bit by bit until it reached the point where it fell on its own weight and the sounds of stone breaking echoed across the room.
Maybe I was a bit too cautious, but I sat up and scanned the whole area I was in. Behind me was a stone statue of a being with wings. It shone under the bright moonlight from the dome shaped skylight above. I looked around and saw the chamber I was in was cylindrical in shape with numerous sarcophagi similar to mine. Some were on the floor and some were on the walls, shelved and named. So I did die?
There was no one in the chamber aside from me. I jumped out of the sarcophagus and the soles of my feet are immediately dirtied by dust. No one has been here for a long time…
I walked past the sarcophagi straight towards the door to the outside and saw a cobblestone path in front of the chamber. As I walked, I found myself surrounded by lush plants under the pale moonlight. I listened to the sound of bugs chirping as I noticed the overgrowth around the path. It made it more apparent that people have not walked this path for a long time.
I followed the way until I came to a derelict fountain with a figure of a woman holding a vase in the center of it. She looked so dutiful despite being abandoned for who knows how long. The basin was dry with cracks all over it.. The only things that resided in this fountain were leaves from fallen trees, weeds and moss.
This old fountain, mixed with the old cobblestone path and the dusty chamber caused a thought to pass through my head. How long have I been here? I have no memory of where I am and how I got here!
No! This wasn't the time to wallow in despair! I need to find answers! Is this the end of the path? I looked past the fountain and saw a forked path. There was a sign in the middle of it and it read GORGEN to the left and LUNDERDALE to the right. Lunderdale sounds like a nicer place compared to Gorgen… After some debate, my feet led me to the right towards Lunderdale.
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141,329 Literary Works • 674,350 Reviews
Hi neighbor!
This was a pleasant read with how much character was put into it! There was a subversion from the typical lost lamb type character, yours wants answers and to move forward! I can appreciate that, I look forward to delving more into them as the story progresses. Keep building them up, I wonder how they'll behave with other people! Will we ever know the difference between the two paths? What a mystery!
Going over the second read, I think there should be some pay off with some of the initial questions to set the scene. Like the first line with the dripping, I expected it to be manifested somehow upon their escape from the sarcophagus.
Then the "moss," with the given details I also was under the impression that they were in a wooden coffin. I'm not sure of the properties required to grow moss but I was thrown off when it was pointed out to be a sarcophagus, which typically are stone.
I hope this was helpful. Unless the world this takes place in has different rules to our own, some details not matching the expectations without an explanation is going to take away validity to some degree.
Keep it up and never surrender!
-JenTep
An interesting start - I'm curious as to what comes next! I think that this piece would benefit from you separating the thoughts in the present tense from the actions in the past tense. At the moment they blend together as they follow on from one another, and I found it a little confusing on the first read through. I do like the active train of thought of the character as they experience this situation though! Keep at it
Thank you for the tips I'll keep it in mind