z

Young Writers Society


12+

My Country, 'Tis Of Thee

by SakuraKistune12


My country, 'tis of thee,


A young child stood in the vast meadow,
Watching a herd of bison grazing in the distance.

Sweet land of liberty,

From the forest behind him,
He heard the sweet tweets and chirrups of birdsong.

Of thee I sing;

He didn’t know who he was,
Or why he existed.
He just knew he had a purpose.

Land where my fathers died,

With every bang,
Another man fell.
With every bang,
He lost a part of himself.

Land of the pilgrims’ pride,

He smiled and picked up the teacup,
Before noisily slurping up the tea,
Making the older man across the table chuckle.

From ev’ry mountainside,

From the top of the hill,
He could see the ships retreating into the distance.
They had finally left, hopefully for good.

Let freedom ring!

He felt pride swelling in his chest
As the men below him cheered.
They were gone.
He was finally independent.
He was no longer a colony under someone else’s rule.

Finally, he was a country.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
67 Reviews

Points: 3377
Reviews: 67

Donate
Sun Jul 28, 2019 4:06 pm
Awru wrote a review...



Hullo!!Here to review this rhythmic piece.I really liked this poem.I haven't heard the song but this is very good.Even though America is not my country but i could clearly feel the emtions of love and patriotism in this poem.I really liked the way you used he for the country and the country was narrating the whole poem. It gave a certain charm to the overall effect.In the first stanza you used Young child which is pretty awesome cuz that portrayed a sense that as America had gotten freedom its like getting a new life so he was young.You pretty much summed up the terrors of colonialism in this poem.Hope to read more from you
Keep up the Excellent work :smt023

peace out




User avatar
21 Reviews

Points: 829
Reviews: 21

Donate
Tue Jul 09, 2019 1:35 am
starchaser wrote a review...



Hello, and welcome to YWS! I see that you probably got inspired by the recent holiday. I'm not familiar with the song, but I think you used it well in this poem!

"Sweet land of liberty,/From the forest behind him,/He heard the sweet tweets and chirrups of birdsong." Assuming that each stanza/paragraph is based off of the lyric above it, I would say that I have mixed feelings about forests and birds being described in a stanza/paragraph that is supposed to be about liberty.

"Land where my fathers died,/With every bang,/Another man fell./With every bang,/He lost a part of himself." I do like this stanza/paragraph being paired with this lyric. I also like "He lost a part of himself", as I am assuming this "him" is supposed to be a personification of America.

"He could see the ships retreating into the distance./They had finally left, hopefully for good." Who is "they"? What kind of ships is the main character watching leave? Are they warships or are they merchant ships? Who does the main character want gone?

"He felt pride swelling in his chest/As the men below him cheered./They were gone." Once again, who is "they"? The British soldiers, or the men below him? This could be confusing for others.

Overall, I really liked this poem/songfic! Good luck on future works!





"The bird that would soar above the level plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. It is a sad spectacle to see the weaklings bruised, exhausted, fluttering back to earth."
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening