The Inner Mystery
Background
In the dark outskirts, in a place called Bell Ends, located in Edinburg, Scotland situated a forest. The forest was quite a frightening sight. As you would look at it from a distance, you would notice the darkness it possesses inside and its odd, conspicuous formation of trees. The trees fully covered the forest’s inner heart.
The trees did not receive much sunlight, which made it a possible reason they looked so dreadful. Also, the forest was a pretty moist place, most trees managed to grow tall because of the large amounts of water the forest kept. They also had multiple green vines hanging on their branches.
The reason the forest tends to be such a memorable place is because of its mysteries that it possesses inside. The forest is really old, some predict that it 200 years old, but nobody knows for sure. But no matter how old it is, the mysteries that it keeps are yet unsolved. When the village, Bell Ends was built, the forest was already there. Bell Ends is 102 years old.
When Bell Ends was first built, a small group of men were sent to the forest during the evening to obtain some wood for fire. The village decided to celebrate the day they have completed building their dwelling. After several hours, they did not return. Afterwards, a group of scavengers from the same village started forging for them, and they too did not return, except for one man.
A man returned with a broken arm and with blood (not his blood) all over his body. He came back trying to shout, but his tongue was cut out. He was not able to inform the others. The people of the village did not know how to write or communicate in any other way other than speaking.
During the same day, at night, the man without a tongue suddenly disappeared. The only piece of remembrance that was left of him was the carving of trees from the forest on his table, but this time the trees possessed facial expressions on them.
Many people in the village refused to migrate because they put so much work in building their village. Therefore, they made a rule; the villagers prohibited everyone from entering the forest, the forest which they decided to call The Inner Mystery.
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'located in Edinburg' - it's 'Endinburgh'. Just pronounce it as 'Edin-bur-ge-he' when you're trying to spell it.
'Also, the forest was a pretty moist place' - something about that 'also' gave this a persuasive tone, as if you were compounding an argument.
'that it 200 years old' - write 200 as 'two hundred' and there should be an 'is' before 'two hundred'.
'they have completed building their dwelling.' - 'have' should be 'had'.
' After several hours, they did not return. Afterwards,' - the repetition of 'after' makes this sound like a list.
'forging for them,' - 'forging' should be 'foraging'.
'other way other than speaking.' - take either one of the 'other's out.
Okay, there is a solid idea here that could work really well if you stuck a twist in. If you followed the character as whatever happened took place, you could create some suspense. There are a lot of details missing and it's kind of like a news report instead of a story, if you know what I mean. You've told us what happened, but not how it happened.
Also, I'm not totally sure why you set it in Scotland. I live about an hour and a half from Edinburgh - it is not suspenseful at all. You could try the Highlands perhaps, but the Central Belt really doesn't suit mystery.
Well done
Hi, J.C. here for a review!
Well, as you've partially explained, this is more the explanation of a book idea than part of the writing itself, so I'll judge it as much.
As far as the basic concept goes, you always have to be careful with horror and mystery stories, because people like what they like and they aren't going to take anything else. If you want to write Crime and Corporal Mystery, you have to write like John Grisham, end of story. It's a very fine line, and you either have to have an established fan base, really, really good writing, or a unique idea that is neither too obscure, nor to cliche.
Pretty much, if you want to write Horror or Mystery and have it be successful, you have to read all of the popular books of the time and try to write similar material.
Currently, I'm unsure where your idea is going. I mean, we have the basic background of how the story began, but not how the story will go. From reading this, I kind of gather that the trees in the forest are cutting out peoples' tongues so they can use them to speak?
1. Outskirts of what? If they are close to any sort of civilization, this could be a problem.
2. The name Bell Ends needs some background too. How did it come to be named that?
You may want to expound on this a bit more, because the trees are going to get the full light of the sun, I mean, the sun the doesn't not shed its light on certain parts of the world. Perhaps the forest in a thin valley with high hills on both sides? Something like that would make logical sense.
To be "really" old, a forest has to be thousands of years old. Most of our forests have been around for thousands and thousands and thousands of years. That's just how they grow.
Just a stupid note. If the man's tongue was cut out, he would definitely have his "own" blood on himself, unless he magically didn't bleed at all.
Beyond those things, which I definitely feel need attention, I think you have an interesting idea here. if I'm correct in my interpretation, I would definitely want to read a book like this, and I'm sure that it is original and unique. I'd love to hear more about your idea, and if you want some advice, PM me for sure!
Thanks Sakops!
Awesome. Creepy dark forest, classic setting for a mystery/ fantasy (are there monsters?). I love it! Definitely don't discard the idea but what you need now is a main character for us to focus on. They can then give us their interpretation of your setting and help us ad readers develop ours. Plus that opens up a whole world of things that could happen to the character whether they are direct experiences or something that happens to a friend of theirs.
Don't stop writing, I seriously want to know what is lurking in the forest and there are so many ways you can take this.
Hope that this helps you a little and that it means you're out of the green room.
I'll be watching this space.
Bella