Look past Her

I really enjoyed this poem. The title already captivated me and the poem seemed to keep me grasped. So well done. This poem has so much emotion, i think it'd be a great song too. So, yet again, well done.
I like this part
"Look past her
See me
before you choose
We could be
hold my hand, kiss my lips
pull closer my dainty hips"
The fact that you entered the title into the poem, most of the time doesn't work well, however it really works well here. It adds depth and more emotion.

I really like this !! I find it quite sad though Its sweet but sad Which is good having two emotions in to one. Kind of reminds me of some of my relationships when I was at school when I was younger But I really like this ! Top marks I say ! I would like to hear another poem similar to this

A nice attempt I'd say.
The poem is indeed very metaphorical and emotion based.
It's like a riot of perception, a perception that can differ from person to person. There can be many different interpretations to it.

The writer's genius lies in the fact that he leaves his audience to ponder upon the fact that what conclusion can they derive from the piece at their own grass root level.
This poem has certainly done that.

It's very subtle and well woven. The choice of words is very smart.

The only negative that lies here would be in the rhyming scheme. On a very personal level, this poem could have done better with a better rhyming scheme or no rhyming pattern at all.
Because, as it's seen, some emotions are best described without the effort.

Cheers!
Good work.

WOW!
so emotion filled, you have written this so well as i fully was captivated and understood with what you were saying. Whether this has happened, is happening or hasn't even happened you have displayed a great range of vocab that i like. Your Description is great and makes the reader fill in the blanks and create their own story, and as a reader thats what i really enjoy. i love how you have chosen to rhyme some words, it keeps it individual, giving that left of centre appeal.
Anyways really liked your work

Review~

So...pretty good! The concept is rather powerful and of you ask me, pretty decent. It could also be described as emotional to those who have experieced or are currently experiencing such.

My only problem(s) are the wordings / rhyme (if there is any.)

The second stanza and the third stanza after 'I want to think' are a bit...out of place in some parts of it and don't seem to connect (except fr that last sentence in it).

The rest is great not to mention I love the title and the part that says: 'Look Past Her'

Ja Ne,
KnightZero

Hi there ( SailerGirl ),

They way you have spun every lines make me travel the way along with you. That was incredible to suit the explanation of the lost love. In fact, that served a lost life's feeling. The way you aggregate about another girl and put it in front of that concerned guy is seriously stunning.

"But you want her, she's not delicate
she stabs and twists words
evil, dripping blood"

It might become the raw cause for narrator to point silly or pail of mistakes of that girl , yet it is understood from narrator's nest. This strengthens the former love.

"Look past her
See me
before you choose
We could be
hold my hand, kiss my lips
pull closer my dainty hips"

This serves the best to prove your porous love towards him.

Go head to keep up much more good works. I am much eager to see all that.

It's like you put the words right out of my mouth. I do too feel that way about a certain someone. He can't see past that one girl and although I'm his best friend, he just can't see past her. I've seen the girl plenty of times, she's my age, and a lot prettier, and it seems those words in this poem were speaking my heart out. Silly of me to think that. I don't ever review poetry because I really don't know much about it but this one just caught my eye, and it kept me glued, kept my heart glued, till the very end. I really loved this! You're pretty good at this. I don't know what else to say, except that it's a beautiful piece and keep writing.

Oh. My. This. Poem. Is. So. Stunning...... I LOVE IT!!!! ABSOLUTLEY LOVE IT!!!!
Such grace. Going from romantic to sinister and back again, with so many mixed emotions in the middle. You ,ay be new. But I can easily tell from this poem that you are an extremly talented writer and poet. It makes me shiver, that's how great this poem is. Keep up the GREAT work, you perfect limb of a poet, you!
~Dark

Hello, I want to tell you now that I read and review at the same time.

For your first stanza, im a little confused. You describe the narators life as empty and black, but then come behind with sweet. It is kind of contradictory.
For your second stanza, i feel like the last two lines are either missing something, or should be reworded.
"I want to think" I dont really get ther purpose of that line...is "thing the right word for ther?
In stanza three, you describe the other girl as kind, yet earlier you that she stabs with her words. I think in stanza three, you should make it kknown that her kindsness may be feigned. A better thing is to make it look like the narator knows that she is fake, but the boy does not.
Your stanza for is a bit confusing, needs rewording.

Overall, I like the poem's basis. It needs work, but don't give up on it

I think this is a great poem. Your word choice was great. You used a lot of adjectives to create great imagery that made the poem great. I feel like there's something missing but I can't really put my finger on it. Overall I enjoyed your poem and you did great