The cold breeze of
who I am meant to be
moves the waves of destiny
onto the sandy beaches of tomorrow
-
But who blows these wicked winds?
is he a deity working towards a plan for me?
or rather the gravity of my own
will to be free
-
Possibly it is society that holds the
wheel to mental prosperity
none, the sinner nor the saved
hold moral superiority
-
Can it be that nobody
God, or you and me
have ability over this salty sea
of possibility
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Great poem! I love how descriptive it and your word choice tie the poem beautiful together. The questions of potential, freedom, morality, destiny, and society, are questions that every person wants to know in their life. You ask such good questions in the poem and you make it so emotional.
My favorite line was probably in the third stanza.
"Possibly it is society that holds the wheel to mental prosperity."
I don't know why I like this line so much, it just feels right.
Overall I really liked this poem. You put so much emotion and description into it. You also asked all questions that everyone wants the answer to. Can't wait to read what you write next!
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
Hi! I'm here for a quick review. I loved this poem! You had really good words. I loved how descriptive it was, and the questions it asked are the right ones to ask. I only have one minor, nit-picky critique. When it said,
"Can it be that nobody
God, or you and me
have ability over this salty sea
of possibility" is a question without a question mark.
That is all. And that did not affect how much I loved it. I hope to hear more from you! Merry Christmas. Keep writing!
Hannah
oooh chilling. There's a lot to dive into here. The overall poem is quite beautiful-The questions of destiny, freedom, morality, society, potential, it links together well while also providing a variety of points to consider. Also, the rhyme scheme, it really pulls the piece together. I think my favourite line has to be "Or rather the gravity of my own will to be free,", it just hits the mark, at least for me. A wonderful poem, and I look forward to (hopefully) reading more from you.
Will review this later today*