Spring flowers blossom
beautiful
Their pink and purple heads
pushing up through the
cool ground
The earth is becoming
soft again
Warm
Summer grows up the plants
makes them stronger
It gives joy to many
and freedom to all
Freedom to fly
Freedom to dream
Fall leaves crunch
their glorious colors
spread everywhere
The trees shedding their
coats of many colors
Winter brings so much
cold and wind
sunshine and fun
Wonderful snowfalls
and timeless blizzards
Freezing the world in ice
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139,498 Literary Works • 672,588 Reviews
I really loved this and I can't wait to read more of your works!!! There wasn't any grammar mistakes that I could see from here so maybe someone else will point them out if they haven't already! Keep up the good work and I can't wait for more!!! Hope you receive many helpful reviews and Best of Wishes!!
Soulkana<3
Hello,
First of all, like ehte92 might've mentioned, you need some puctuations. It makes the poem looks much more structured, neat and proffesional, not just words scribbled randomly down on a piece of paper.
Having said that, the topic you chose was a good one with so much potential. If you potrayed it correctly. However, you didn't exactly do that. The way you presented the season to us was good, it had a flow, a sense of freedom and colour to it. But it's not new, it's not interesting, it doesn't hit people with a splash of, "Wow, that's good, I've never thought of spring (or any of the three seasons I suppose) that way before. You need to paint the seasons using words that no one have thought of using before.
So, you're poem wasn't exactly bad. It just wasn't powerful. It wasn't something new that screams, "Look at me!". It was just another poem.
Having said that, it wasn't a bad poem. In fact, it was very nice, it also flowed wonderfully. Also, it's very pleasant to read, but, you need to pack a punch with the poem. But, like, ehte92 said it was a good effort.
Hello there.
I shall be your reviewer for today even if you do not want me to be. XD
I did not like the starting of the stanza. It was not at all convincing. And after reading the second line I had already lost interest in your poem. You see, one words do not do justice to a poem which should have a lot of description. The topic which you chose is a great topic and a lot of things can be written on this topic and it can be stuffed with imagery. So you should avoid using single words.
Pushing? Use something other than that like piercing the cool ground or squeezes out through the cool ground. I think this would sound a bit better. Pushing up was bit too simple.
Instead of writing the earth is becoming soft again, you could write, the earth is softening again. And just remove the last line from this stanza.
This was a good stanza but here too it felt as if something was incomplete. This topic always makes me to crave more for imagery and details but it’s too simple. That is the main problem. But it’s just according to me. Others might find it pretty awesome.
I could not understand a thing from this stanza. The first had a good imagery but the third line over here confused me. What does spread everywhere? And if you are talking about the leaves spreading everywhere then you should make the line like, and it spreads everywhere. And in the last line you could use vivid instead of many. It would sound better.
Cliché. It is understandable that the winter brings cold and wind but how does it bring sunshine? Sunshine is sometimes there and sometimes isn’t but it is not brought about by winter.
Use something other than timeless in the second last line. And in the last line you could have used imagery to express it. Like, freezing the world into a block of ice. You could do much better. This what came to me instantly.
The topic which you chose was very good as I have already mentioned but you need to start using punctuations. Without punctuations it all seems like a single line. Other than that it was a good effort.
Keep writing. (:
i enjoyed how you portrayed the whole year in just 4 paragraphs
well done:)