Published May 19, 2013
It seems to never stop, this endless tunnel which get darker with every step I take, unable to stop or go back, my feet carry me to a place that’s non-existing. There is no destination just the endless frightening journey of time. As much as I hold on to it, begging for it to stop the easier it seems to slip, going even faster than before. I never wanted to say it or even recognize the truth but it’s here and there is no denying, it’s the end of my childhood, the only time you can be free and without worry. For we all are born innocent into a world full of corruption.
Why I decided to post this I don't know, it was in the spur of the moment.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,389 Reviews
Hii!
Okay, first of all, its awesome even if it was posted in the spur of the moment
It doesn't matter what you post, as long as it can get the message and meaning through to the readers.
Actually, to be honest, I didn't know what you were talking about until I saw the childhood part. Then,I went back and read the whole thing again. It all made so much more sense
You've done a really good job of writing this, although I will have to disagree with you on some parts
Childhood is a wonderful phase, full of laughter and freedom, I so agree with you on that, but adulthood isn't that bad either. Sure, the world is not all good like it used to be, but that doesn't necessarily have to mean that it is a bad thing. "Growing up is a part of life" Yeah you've probably heard plenty of those, and its true. We can't hold onto childhood much longer. At some point or another, we will start realizing that life isn't all about freedom.
I so agree with you on this one as well, but although most parts of the world are going through this horrible phase, it is not a sole reason to call growing up, a dark place.
Every cloud has a silver lining
Okay, I am so sorry. I just got lost in thought for a moment there
Anyways, on to the grammatical errors:
The grammar and punctuation was pretty good except one or two. You might want to work on the commas a bit more. Because, at certain points, there seem to be a lack of commas where I felt it was necessary.
Thats all, considering this a short one
Yup, good job really! I understand where the thought's coming from. Believe me, I'd thought about it many a times too
Keep it up!
Hmm..this is interesting. I wasn't able to catch the point until you mention, "its the end of my childhood". Which is probably my own mistake.
You have good grammar, spelling, punctuation, capitalization, etc. There was only one thing in which I got confused.
"unable to stop or go back my feet carry me to a place that's non-existing"
I would suggest putting a period, or comma after feet. Only thing with putting a comma there, you have a large run-on sentence.
But other than this, I can find no wrong. The reader can relate to the pain, because we all go through losing our childhood. Our only innocence in the world.
So, that stated, please keep writing because this was a very interesting little story to read.
This is so good for a first 'Time' writer. Don't be shy to post your work... Start working on this imagine, think, dream and make this in to a nice story. Try something new and make mistakes, mistakes will make you a good writer. You just don't know how good you are. Well take it from me you are good.. so keep posting... I ll be looking forward for your work...