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Young Writers Society



The Forgotten Memory [Chapter 1]

by Saga97


"I hate it when I get no ideas, it’s so frustrating. Maybe being a writer isn’t for me, and what if I did write a novel I would be to chicken to publish it anyway. I’m such a failure."

Sam a talented young boy with low self-esteem, he has been that way since he was six years old. No one actually knows what happened but Sam disappeared for one day. The cops didn’t look into the matter, because to them a day isn’t long enough. His mother on the other hand knew that something had happened it wasn’t like her sugarplum to run off like that. Still no one knows what had occurred that day so many years ago, not even Sam himself.

After that he became more and more scared, mostly because of the fact that he himself didn’t remember anything, except feeling very confused and a little scared. Having been terrified for so long of course he thought of himself as a cowardly failure.

"Ahh, better just go for a walk",Sam thought. Walks always cheered him up, especially at this hour when the stars were out and people were in. He put on the shoes he kept in his room both for emergencies and to sneak out when he wanted to. Still feeling a little depressed he opened his window and squeezed himself through it.

"Yeah that’s the stuff", he said to himself in a low whisper and breathed in e clean night air. Finding himself smile a bit as he walked along the dark abandoned road. He walked for a long time breathing in the air and letting his imagination play loose in his head, when suddenly he heard a loud rustle coming from a bush on the other side of the road. Instantly his thoughts trailed to that day when he was six and fear began to pour over his body like ice water. He stood there unable to move watching the bush like it was a man-eating dog ready to strike. "It’s just a cat", he whispered to himself, but with much uncertainty in his voice.

He started walking back the way he came never taking his eyes away from the bush. Soon he was far enough away from the bush to stop gawking at it. He walked as fast as he could to get home to his room where he was safe. "Why so scared Sam?"Asked a cold shrilly voice. Sam stopped in his tracks, he recognized the voice but from where? He looked around to try and find the source of the voice, now even more afraid than before. Nothing, he saw no one the street was as empty as before. "Who are you?" He asked but hoped for there to be no answer, he was let down as the voice spoke again. "Don’t remember me? Well don’t blame ya , you were only six after all", the cold voice chuckled. "Could it be, could he know what happened to him all those years ago?" Sam’s train of thoughts were interrupted. "How old are you now anyway?" Asked the voice and a man stepped out of a shadow almost right in front of Sam, the man had pearl white hair, pale skin and pitch black eyes and suit. The sight of him was merely ghostlike."Fiifteen", stammered Sam. "Aww, you aren’t scared of me are ya Sam? After all we are friends, but of course you don’t remember me now do ya". The man started laughing again."Who are you?"Sam was losing his patience. "We are your worst memory". This didn’t come from the ghostlike man, this voice was dark and it came from behind him. He felt the terror crawling on him as he looked at a tone dark face right behind him, and the next thing he knew everything turned black.


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214 Reviews


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Fri Sep 04, 2015 3:10 pm
artybirdy wrote a review...



Hello! I was looking through the books section and came across your chapter. It sounded interesting, so I decided to review it.

I like that you started off the chapter with Sam’s dialogue. It gave us a gist of his character. However, I felt that it was a bit unnecessary, especially when the next paragraph doesn’t link in with it. Most of this chapter’s told to us, the readers, from the narrator’s perspective. I’ll let it slide because I’m assuming it’s a stylistic choice.

The first two sentences don’t have that “hook” to pull the reader in. They are, frankly, a bit boring. Begin with something catchy, something that makes us want to read on. Something like: When Sam was six years old, he disappeared for a day. Then, start a new paragraph and continue to explain what happened.

If he’s scared as you say, why’s he leaving his home late at night?

In the last paragraph, I was confused about who was talking and when. Remember, every time a new character speaks, you should start another paragraph. It makes it easy for us to follow their conversation.

For example, instead of:

"Who are you?" He asked but hoped for there to be no answer, he was let down as the voice spoke again. "Don’t remember me? Well don’t blame ya , you were only six after all", the cold voice chuckled.

Try:

“Who are you?” He asked but hoped for there to be no answer, he was let down as the voice spoke again.

"Don’t remember me? Well don’t blame ya , you were only six after all", the cold voice chuckled.

There! Can you see the difference? It looks neat and tidy as well as professional. I’d advise you to use Italics on the characters’ thoughts only, not their dialogues, otherwise it gets all mixed-up and confusing.

His mother! I’d like to see her more and see them interact. Maybe, you can include her in this chapter, showing her protectiveness.

I noticed many grammar, spellings, and punctuation errors, but nothing too majorly distracting. I’d suggest you to proof read your work before you post it. Trust me, it helps!

Overall, this has potential. You have certainly made me curious as to why and how he disappeared. Well done, and keep writing!




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Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:00 am
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MariaRowlands wrote a review...



That was great but you need to put a bit more effort into it. Try actual speach marks such as " or '. Ok. But all in all a good job!




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Wed Feb 08, 2012 7:04 pm
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McGregorUK says...



Don't give up, this is really good for a 14 year old, you can only get better. I've only just started and i'm 16, don't just give up on it keep it up and i'll review your stuff, stop by and take a look at my stuff, tell me what you think :) x





But even the worst decisions we make don't necessarily remove us from the circle of humanity.
— Wes Moore, The Other Wes Moore