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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey, Saga! Long time no talk, dear.
Euph here to review your poem!
I'll start off by saying
Stanza 1:
You start off the first line with "Maybe one day i will understand"
I should be capital. I hate to say it, but I'm a nut about that stuff..
Stanza 2:
I am not a fan of the fact that the last question starts off with "And". I feel like it defeats the boldness of stating the four questions, slightly.
Stanza 3:
In the second line, you state "Until then we go through life one day at a time"
There should be a comma placed between then and we. This will adjust the flow of the sentence structure.
Overall,
I like the poem and the point that it addresses about the questions of life that remain un-answered. Keep up the good work, kid! Hopefully when the SB Stranded returns we could get to work together some more, because I'd love to read more of your work.
I hope that this review helped you somewhat. :3
Hi there Saga!
I think I met you in the chat room, but I will welcome you to YWS a second time! There are a few members here where English is not their first language, like Demeter and AzaleaLexis. However, I'm sure you will be confident as an English writer in no time at all! YWS works miracles like that.
This is a cool poem that I think could be really good if it was worked at. At the moment, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of substance to this poem. There are just minor thoughts that are written but not developed. In this poem, I want to feel some more emotion - at least develop on the subtle thoughts you've created. So far, it all feels rather general and not so personal as I feel a poem should be, be it narrative or lyric or some other eccentric thing. There should always be something /personal/ there.
Because this poem is addressing life and touching the topic of philosophy and you express that you have many questions about life, you might want to include these questions in your poem. It will become interesting and add that personal, intriguing touch that you need. Don't be afraid to elaborate upon ideas. I realize that you aren't extremely confident as an English writer, but the only way to improve is by practice.
I hope that helped! Drop me a line if you need to.
Yours,
Lavvie
This is my first post here so don't judge me to hard n.n
And just so it's clear English isn't my first language