Let Me Guide You

When I was a little girl I always aspired to be similar yet different than my father. He was a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. He would make me giggle so hard it would turn into screams of laughter. He and I were the bestest of friends. Jamming out to Bob Seger’s Night Moves album and he recording my lame yet silly dancing. My father and I would sing out loud and dance like there was no tomorrow. In the daytime we would play castle on the neighboring playground by his place. I was his little princess and he was the king. I always liked the time we spent together. On weekend nights we would go late night driving and watch downtown Portlanders walk on the moonlit ground. 

My father was always looking for new adventures or repeating old ones with new fond memories. If I could always have someone like him around, I'd be content until my dying days.My father, Mike Alesko, had always been there when times were tough for me. He would help me with homework; friend troubles; and when I got in trouble with my mom. He was my partner in crime. I'm really thankful for when he was there no matter how much I pushed him away. At the time I was going through depression. Middle school was a blur for me, I barely remember the things that happened and the people that surrounded me. I always felt alone and had no one, so I thought. Kids were picking on me, calling me outlandish names, making me come home from school and head straight to my room. Sometimes I would sleep for the rest of the day and wake up later in the night and be with myself and watch T.V. My father watched me struggle and wanted to help, yet I didn't accept it as much as I should have. He would try to get me out of my room and do something that brought me joy. Even if that consisted me playing video games as he would watch. When days got really bad he would always remind me,”Take it one day at a time, for tomorrow is a new day.” At the time I was ungrateful, going through mood swings and trying to figure out what my purpose was. I was a lost soul.

One night I was fighting with him for some ridiculous reason that I can not recall, yet I remember one specific memory. I walked out of his room and closed the door.I left a little crack that let a sliver of light hit my body and the back wall. I remember hearing him say to himself, ”What happened to my little princess?” It tore my heart apart and made me rethink what my actions were doing to my father.That's when it finally hit me, I had to explore within myself and find peace within. Go back to the days he and I were best friends again.

Before I could start loving for others, I had to love myself. After being bullied, I evolved to be a bitter, young girl. I had an attitude problem which needed to be fixed. I became rude and lazy in my middle school years. Sleeping consumed my life, it was the only escape I had. Although, it was time for a new way to deal with my problems. By beginning this process, I eliminated down time. I began to work out; read books; spend time with my dogs; and most importantly hung out with my family. By doing this my life began to bloom again. I felt like I had meaning and nothing could stop me.

Then I realized, I wasn’t the only person in my family struggling. My mother and my father never really got along. This time around, the fighting was at an all time high, I would cry from the shouting. I wanted to escape this new hell I was going through. I wanted to be content, yet new problems were emerging. My father started slipping through depression as well. Something in his mind clicked, his body was present, but his mind wasn’t. There was one object that motivated him. He was addicted to food. Food began his pathway to obesity. At one point, he weighed 400 pounds. His mobility started to decrease and we didn’t do anymore activities.

My mom and brother kicked my father out for being a disturbance in the household. He made the house gloomy and unfriendly. So he had to pack up and move to previous apartments my mother had lived in. This seemed to be very hard on my dad, he was alone for awhile. I had a bunch of school work that occupied my time, so when I finished my homework I’d be pooped. Then the weekends were consumed with weekend grocery shopping. The days would go by, eventually time just passed by and we were already into the holiday season.

My mother bought my dad a new chair since he had no furniture in the apartment. This was her holiday present for my father. He owned a mechanical chair, that elevated him up and down. At the beginning it was a neat invention for feeble personnel. Mike abused it, he would sit for days and days. One day, I was coming down to visit, I found him there in his own feces and urine. My father hit his ultimate low, he needed help. I had to call my mother and she called 911. I didn’t even watch them take him away, it was too hard for me, I was already crying from before. He was in the hospital during Christmas break and a week afterwards as well. I knew the holiday season would get to him since he wasn’t in the house anymore, but didn’t think he would be so mentally gone. Luckily my father’s recovery was quick and he came back home. I decided to move down to my dad’s place so we could spend some quality time together.

Eventually, Mike, was appearing to be his same old self again. We would take long car rides and check out new places. Watch documentaries and discover new topics to chat about. He and I started to bond again, having long discussions about the past. How he has missed out on family plans; not being there for his baby grand-daughters birth; not being able to physically tag along with activities; and enjoying his old hobbies. Yet he remains positive, and wants to change and become a better man. He and I both have grown from the past.

Hopefully, King Mike; Dadd-io; Papa Bear; Big Mike; Big Dog, will shed the pounds away. He and I just have to have eachothers back, like old times. Now I remind him, and he reminds me, “ Take it one day at a time, for tomorrow is a new day.” No matter what, the day will end and a new tomorrow will arise. Remember, what brings you down will only make you come back stronger.