Her thoughts are gone
Her hearts beating too fast
Where is she right now?
Her head is stuck in the past
Can't breathe, where are her lungs?
Is she dying? People around her speaking in tongues
Who are they? What are they saying?
Wasn't she in danger? She gasps as her body starts swaying
Players in team jerseys stand in confusion
"Why can't she breathe?" But she's stuck in an illusion
Her side vision is gone, only a tunnel she sees
"You're gonna die, you're gonna die." Her head repeatedly screams
Memories from a month ago flash in her brain
That game that caused her trauma, now fresh like a blood stain
Her coach comes over, trying to calm her down
But his voice is muffled, her commonsense on shutdown
Her heart is beating so hard, is it going to break?
All the weight it has carried after one mistake
Blood thumps in her skull, her vision blurry at best
She gets walked off the field, everything slow and messed
She tries to catch her breath, reaching for oxygen that's gone
How did she get on the ground? The last of her consciousness strained and drawn
When her surroundings start to make sense, she sees the people who stare
They gape at her weakness, never knowing her psyche could tare
This wasn't the first, and wasn't the last
Of this awful disease called panic attacks
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141,829 Literary Works • 675,933 Reviews
Hello,
This is a very nice poem about Panic Attacks. It's not often that you see someone picking this topic to write about, and you've done it well.
I really like the rhyme scheme of the poem. It gives this poem a sense of continuity. The rhyming scheme also seems to give a sense of urgency, which is what one would want when trying to portray a panic attack scene. I also like the narration in the poem. It was continuous, and not once did I feel an abrupt shift in the poem.
One thing that didn't work for me was the ending. Compared to the rest of the poem, it feels too abrupt. The flow that was maintained throughout the poem was suddenly broken there.
Overall, it was quite good. Except for the ending, which I found a little weaker, the rest of the poem is great.
Thank you so much for your review! Yes the ending was abrupt thanks for pointing that out. I will definitely take this into other poems I do to try to work on my endings 😅