Published September 26, 2007
There is no man!
There is no MAN...
And here I am,
alone and in silent pain.
My friends all cheery,
Oh just let me be!
Oh you see kind listener,
I was not always such a screw can you see?
I am a woman heart broken,
woth built up acuity to the evil of man.
I was a girl in a city, in France,
This is where i found a man.
Although in honesty he was quite odd a man,
We dined, we wined ; he said he loved me.
That little stitch in time,
seems it was a lifetime.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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What?
I truly didn't understand this poem at all. Your friend's were cheery? Why were they?
The flow was alright, I suppose but the imagery wasn't anything special; just simple really. I'd say that I liked the concept, but I haven't a clue what the concept was.
Also, the use of capitals isn't neccessary, italics work just as well and add more effect to the poem.
Its okay I wrote it just today.
.
p.s.- Its about a woman who loved a man until she found out he had another lover...its more nonfiction than fiction...I'll change it up and add on to it so it makes more sense thanks.
I dont get it, I'm sorry to say. It confused me -- sorry! :")
-xxx-
Such a small poem and yet you had so much to say.
. Thank you so much for the review.
p.s.- I was also thinking this sucks as a poem and it would be a better play...
I didn't like this. The whole thing seemed amateurish and nonsensical, and many parts of it didn't make much sense at all.
Take the first stanza. "There is no man! / there is no MAN..."? What on earth is that supposed to mean? Why did you repeat the same line twice, with weird punctuational changes to it that made it sound like more of the same thing, but different? What does this add to the poem?
A couple of stanzas later it seems like you're talking about a man that left whoever's narrating, but if the first line is true and there is no man, then which are we supposed to believe? Or do you mean that there was a man, but he left? If that is so, shouldn't you say that?
Do you mean that to be "cheery"? If it is indeed "cheery" it makes a little more sense, but it is still grammatically incorrect. I think that if you did mistype it, then you should say something along the lines of, "My friends are all cheery", or "My friends; all cheery", which would not only be correct, but would sound more poetic.
Still, the line "My friends all cherry" does not ring well with the next line, "Oh just let me be", because you made no mention of the fact that they were bothering your character, trying to get her to talk or be happy or whatever it is you're trying to say. If you reworded it, as such, "My friends; all cheery / flit around, prying inside my pain / I dont want to talk; / Oh, just let me be!"
See? It would still be whiny and oh-poor-me but at least it would make more sense.
You could punctuate several different ways here, and you would get different meanings. Figure out what you need to say, and say it.
"Woth" should be "with", and "man" should be "men" (because when you use the word "man" in this context, it tends to imply "the human race").
Listener is good; you should go with this. You could start the poem with this girl ranting to some person in a park, or a bar, or something. (Then this stanza would make more sense.) Then you could blossom the poem into a whole, sorry tale, and clarify which guy she's talking about--because I am not certain if the man she's talking about at the end of this story is the man she's complaining about broke her heart. (Poetry Jumble--the critiquer's best friend.)
Technically, "wined" is not a word, and if you meant that they whined at each other, then add the H. But if you mean "wined" as in "they drank wine", then "wined" should be deleted because drinking wine would fall under the category of dining.
Also, in this jumble of a poem, these two stanzas--because they sound like the beginning of a woe-is-me tale--sound like they should be the start of this poem. Add this to the "kind listener" bit and you'd be golden.
Hope I wasn't too harsh.
Peace, love, chocolate.
Muffin