z

Young Writers Society


12+

Why She'll Never Get Married

by SARAHJO


She wasn't the prettiest flower in the garden. In fact, she could have been the most dull one of them all. Wilting, tilting, pedals flaky and near the point of snapping and falling to the dirt. She could be easily disposed, swept up and tossed into the junk pile of other unfortunate flowers who didn't seem to be worthy of equal attention. 

After all, she wasn't the gem of the Earth.

And no, she wasn't actually a flower. Though she might as well be. So delicate, so quiet. There wasn't much room for her to grow, since more than half of her space had been occupied and used for a far more important bed of newly planted roses and daffodils.

Of course, she wouldn't argue. She was quiet. Always quiet, like she liked to be. It's possible that's the reason no one payed heed to her presence. She listened, never spoke.

There was no one to take notice of this small body with doe eyes that admired others so shyly. The smile no one ever saw, not because she was too shy to let anyone see, but because it wasn't special or pretty or bright enough to be noticed.

She didn't wear the nicest clothes. Usually baggy, plain, colors that seemed to fade and make her look like a grey cloud passing by. She wore no makeup, never did her hair. More often than not, she was a mess. Maybe that's why no one bothered glancing her way.

There was also the lack of incentive. She had no other dreams than to live a peaceful and calming life by herself in the comfort of her small but warm apartment. She had no talents, no hobbies, no interests whatsoever. She claimed she didn't need friends or anyone to love her, but to be the friend and the one who loved instead. It angered the very few who found themselves falling for her. The ones who wanted to change her spirit to fit to their liking. After her kind rejection, most if not all of them turned on her.

It was saddening, no doubt, but the feeling didn't linger long. She found herself not needing them. Not needing anyone or anything to tell her how much they cared or how they loved her.

No, that would mean giving up her heart. And giving up your heart is suicide, obviously.

In the end, her heart belonged to no one but herself.

Which is why she'll never get married.


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7 Reviews


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Sat Dec 05, 2015 6:15 pm
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cg26 wrote a review...



Hello, just a review...

First of all, there is a spelling mistake in the first paragraph. Pedal should be petal. Other than this, I found myself really feeling sorry for this girl, which is a good thing. A good piece of writing should make the reader feel something, which in this case is pity. Maybe you could give her one talent which is really special but no one ever noticed to make it seem like she just never got enough recognition because of how she seemed on the outside. That might make it just a tiny bit sadder.

Other than that this is great and has been written really well. Good job!




SARAHJO says...


Thanks! I didn't even notice that error >.<



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Tue Dec 01, 2015 4:58 am
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Sujana wrote a review...



I feel for this girl.

I think the others have already given their little contradictions, but for now if you don't mind, I'd like to say you made me think a little bit about myself--something that rarely happens.

Yes, it does sound dour. It does sound depressing, when you first read it. Why would you never want to get married? Why would you never want to find love? But after a couple of reads, one starts to understand. There really isn't a point in it. Some people were born with half a heart, always dependent on someone else to live, always looking for someone else to love, but this character is content with one. And that's what the people around her can't understand--she doesn't need them like they do. While others lack something in their lives, she was born satisfied, pleased with her ordinary existence. Her admirers don't feel comfortable with her solitude, with her independence, because they realize if she leaves them she wouldn't hurt as much as they would.

"No, that would mean giving up her heart."

That's a good line, a wonderful line. To a world that glorifies giving love and ignoring the consequences, this might sound like a horrendous decision, but the character realizes that giving up her heart would leave nothing left of her. She will forever live walking cautiously on a tightrope, instead of falling like her peers. And where's the wrong in that?

I couldn't give much of a critique, but I do hope this encourages you, at least. Because it did encourage me.




SARAHJO says...


Well, thank you so much! I'm glad you understand what I was trying to convey. Of course, I could have been slightly more broad in how I did things but it's great to know you get it. Again, thank you! :)



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Thu Oct 08, 2015 1:29 am
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basia77201 says...



I don't think there is anything offensive.




SARAHJO says...


Thank you :)



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Wed Oct 07, 2015 11:41 pm
basia77201 says...



I don't think there is anything offensive.




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Fri Oct 02, 2015 10:41 pm
SARAHJO says...



Alright people, since some of you seem to have a strong disagreeing with the way I wrote this work, let me explain a few things before any more decide to misconstrude the tone.

First of all, I am not writing about how the character feels about herself. They are more of stated facts and opinions from other people's interpretations. Never once did it state that she herself thought she wasn't pretty or interesting. That's how she is seen to be.

Second, she is not depressed. It's evident I have offended someone with the way I wrote this, which wasn't my intention at all. She is perfectly fine with the person she is, regardless of what people think of her or see her to be. So, no. She has not "given up on herself".

Third, the line about her wanting to love and be the friends of others instead of the other way around should make sense if you look at it differently. My character wasn't whining about people turning on her or being angry with her for not wanting or accepting their love. She is more just hurt by the fact that they completely dismissed and left her all together, and that they tried to change the way she thought about things, mostly trying to change the person she was. Her opinion is her opinion.

Hopefully, this clears things up. Any more questions, please refer to me first before reviewing in the wrong view point.
Thank you!




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Fri Oct 02, 2015 5:46 pm
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niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there SARAHJO! Niteowl here to review this story.

So I read your comment below about how "The main objective I am trying to convey within this is beauty within simplicity, and self contentment." Honestly, I feel like this piece fails to convey this. Instead, I'm getting major depression vibes.

1) Lots of negative self-talk going on. As someone who easily gets caught in not feeling good enough or pretty enough or whatever enough, I can ensure you it is not good for your self-esteem.

The smile no one ever saw, not because she was too shy to let anyone see, but because it wasn't special or pretty or bright enough to be noticed.


I've felt this way, and I guarantee you it wasn't when I was feeling good about myself. It was when I was thinking about killing myself because who would even care?

No, that would mean giving up her heart. And giving up your heart is suicide, obviously.


I feel like this character has already given up on herself.

There was no one to take notice of this small body with doe eyes that admired others so shyly.


She claimed she didn't need friends or anyone to love her, but to be the friend and the one who loved instead. It angered the very few who found themselves falling for her.


These two quotes are contradictory, and this doesn't even make sense. This is not how people work. Friendship is a two way street. When one person stops reaching out to the other, friendships end. When one person admires another without ever taking the risk of asking them out, they don't get to whine about being alone. Ditto for people like this person who never leave their apartment and don't have any interests.

It's one thing to not want to be married because you're happy with the life you live, but this person doesn't sound healthy at all. Having had these feelings (aka depression), I would encourage this person to get treatment because I've existed like this and I'd hardly call it living.

I would either re-frame this as a piece about depression or give this girl something to live for. Keep writing! :)




SARAHJO says...


Please see my disclaimer. And thank you for the review. :)



niteowl says...


Okay so I've re-read this and your comment. I still think this reads as something more internally focused than an external critique of a person, since it references personality traits that an outside observer would never know. It also sounds an awful lot like my own worldview when I was depressed, so perhaps I was a bit hasty to reply.

" She is more just hurt by the fact that they completely dismissed and left her all together, and that they tried to change the way she thought about things, mostly trying to change the person she was. " I think this would be better illustrated within the story, as it would make the character's self-worth more evident and we can better see who she really is. This in itself would make an interesting story! :)

"It's evident I have offended someone with the way I wrote this, which wasn't my intention at all." I wasn't offended. I just read this differently based on my own experience. This happens when you put your writing out to a wider audience. I know I've had my poems misinterpreted before, so I'm familiar with the feeling.

I still feel like it's unclear where this girl's self-worth comes from. I know that people can be happier left alone but given the stated lack of interests, it still seems really strange that she would be happy. I would play up the character's self-confidence a little more instead of focusing on the (apparently solely external) negative perceptions.



SARAHJO says...


Thank you for understanding. Hope you enjoyed the work as a whole! :)



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Fri Oct 02, 2015 4:44 am
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praagna wrote a review...



Hi, I liked the concept of this story and your introduction, however I do have a few pointers. Hope this helpful and doesn't discourage you from writing.

First of all, I feel like the whole setting is vague and it lacks depth. You could have emphasized on the character more, made her more presentable and charming. The character fails to stand out. It's important to keep in mind that the protagonist should have a quality that attracts a reader, especially when it's in an abstract form. I've re-quoted the sentence below, You character needs to have depth and the only way to bring about that by adding a few points about her likes, dislikes, interests etc.

"She had no talents, no hobbies, no interests whatsoever"

Second,
'She claimed she didn't need friends or anyone to love her, but to be the friend and the one who loved instead. It angered the very few who found themselves falling for her. The ones who wanted to change her spirit to fit to their liking. After her kind rejection, most if not all of them turned on her.'

I did not get this part, although it is grammatically correct, it needs to be rephrased better. It seems vague and it doesn't really fit in to the mould. You could have specified where and how they fell for her, inserting little conversations highlights your character.


I just want to say, you have potential but it needs to be executed better. This could have been a great piece.




SARAHJO says...


Hello, there! Thanks for the review. Just a disclaimer, the point of this story was to realize self acceptance and satisfaction. My main character is supposed to be general and vague, not special at all. That's the point. So if it came off as too broad and you didn't find anything interesting about her, good! You weren't supposed to, other than that she really just doesn't mind being alone and simply boring.
The main objective I am trying to convey within this is beauty within simplicity, and self contentment.


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praagna says...


It's just constructive criticism.




When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind