My name is Melody. What's your name? ...Wow, that's a nice name! It's nice to meet you. I live in a family of four, my Japanese mother, Megumi, my American father, Ryan, and my little brother, Shota. You can see which side my brother and I got our names from. Anyway, we were all on a trip to go to North Carolina for gem mining. My father convinced our family that it was exciting, so we agreed to it. After making it on a few hour drive, we took our reservations to a hotel, and unpacked our luggage. While my mother quickly scurried to the bathroom, inciting a laugh from me, Shota kneeled to look out the window since our hotel had a great view of the mountains we were going to mine, and my father set our things in their proper places. I was listening to my phone's music bank when the lights in our room crackled out. It was terrifying. As Shota quickly fled into my arms, my mother consulted my father about what might have happened. Soon after, we heard a scream from downstairs, and my father went to check it out. When he didn't come up after an hour, my mother returned to the bathroom. The lights burst on soon after... but my father still didn't come up to our room. I held onto Shota protectively, putting my headphones on his ears and turning my music into the music he liked more. My heart was beating fast. What was going on? We soon decided to go on to the gem destination without my father, which broke my heart a little, but we couldn't help it. My mother entered the cave first, to my dismay. And my horror only grew when the ground beneath us started to tremble violently. The cave's ceiling folded inward, concealing my mother from sight. I was now terrified. My mother and father could now be potentially dead! Would Shota be okay? I was worried... I led my little brother back to the hotel. Later on, as the night played out, I let Shota sleep with me. I had to - he must be even more mortified than me, and he's a smart little boy, so he'd know what was going on. When I wake up in the morning, I find Shota no longer there, and instead find a piece of paper. You know what it said?
"Let's play hide-n-seek. You're it. Come find me in the hotel."
Melody's hands shook with fear as her brown eyes flicked across the piece of paper, comprehending the words.
"Come find me in the hotel."
Was this a test? Her mind's gears whirred, working swiftly. If this was a test, that meant her family could still be alive, right? With a new burst of hope, she jumped to her feet. She had to look for clues. Clues... She began to search around her room, ravaging through everything she could get her hands on. Shamelessly, she rummaged through her parents' things, finding nothing of value, then to Shota's little bag. All it contained was a pack of gum, a bar of chocolate, some spare clothes, and a rabbit doll he seemed to carry around with him almost everywhere.
She knew she must be overthinking this, but if she was looking for Shota first, that meant maybe, if the chocolate was a sign, they must be in the confectionary part of the hotel, or at least, the section of North Carolina they were in. She would have to get there by foot, but the adrenaline ran through her, energizing her, and she began to trudge out of the hotel.
* * *
I really liked sweets. That's why I was a little reluctant to go the confectionary... but I had to - Shota might even be there. That's what I felt... So I hurried there. I got lost a billion types, but when I finally found a bright, flashing sign that read something about cakes, I literally burst in.
When she did make it to the confectionary - the smell of sweets intoxicated her for a few minutes until she jolted awake, remembering why she was here - she eagerly began to search. She knew the manager and cashiers and all must be looking at her like she was crazy, but that was okay. She'll take anyone's opinions and not even care.
She found a closet in the far back of the shop - a closet? - and threw it open. Shota's body initially fell out, and Melody flinched, jumping away. Shota's small, youthful body was bound in ropes, and he was blindfolded. After regaining a bit of courage, she shuffled towards Shota, a piece of paper taped to the rope on his back. It read:
"You found me! But the game still continues."
Tiptoeing towards the closet Shota made his dramatic entrace through, she looked at it and found an emerald. This meant... the gem mountain they were going to mine? Before dashing there, she knelt down besides Shota, his tiny body looking frail and frightening. She braced herself as she turned him over, and cried out in shock as she realized knife wounds laced his body. Why? Who would do this? Shaking, she untied the blindfold imprisoning Shota's normally bright blue eyes. Instead, she was met with one blue eye, the left one. The right eye was just a hole of blood...
"Onee-chan?" Shota called weakly. Her heart raced as Melody took Shota's hand comfortingly. "Yes, Shota?"
"Okaa-san... is in the mountains... the meanie told me so," he said softly. "Be careful, or the meanie will get you, too, okay... onee-chan?"
The meanie? The kidnapper? Melody nodded, stroking Shota's hair.
"Oh... Take care of Ukacha for me..."
"Ukacha" was Shota's favorite rabbit doll, Melody recalled. She wept a little, hugging Shota before feeling his body go limp.
She didn't care who was watching her now. She only broke through the shop door and fled, leaving Shota's body on the floor.
* * *
"The water always cheered me up when I stared into it. Maybe, when you have problems, you can stare at the sea and feel comforted, too." That's what my father told me once. I still believe it, but I've never really tested it. After seeing my cute brother dead, I decided half-consciously to try it. There was a stream nearby the mountain if I recalled correctly, and so I trekked there. After staring at the pretty waters, I felt that I calmed down a little. I stood up and bolted towards the mountain.
The mountain was flooded with rocks, but there was a small gap at the top in which Melody's rather thin body could just barely slip through. She was a little hesitant. First, how would she get out? Second, wouldn't she fall on her face once she did make it through? Determination to find her mother wasn't truly enough to fuel her for this, but she just wanted her family together again. She climbed the rocks, screaming reflexively everytime a rock she grabbed onto escaped her grasp. She made her way, crawling helplessly through the gap. Exhausted, she wriggled the rest of the way and sat by the cave's wall. Hot tears stung her eyes, and she forced them away. She had to keep going.
Trotting over to the far end of the cave, she was met with a dead end. The dark claws of the cave refused to allow her to see properly, but she could just barely see the outline of someone whom she recognized to be her mother. She relunctantly inched closer, then cried out when she saw how many rocks were embedded in her mother's corpse. She didn't find a note this time... Flip her over?
As she did so, her hand stroked along something suspcious, and she flew backwards, screaming. After a few minutes, the silent cave filled with the sound of her ragged breaths, she crawled closer towards the body and realized her hand slid along blood... Her mother was dead, too. She found a note taped to her mother's forehead, and she snatched it off, retreating away from the cave. She made her escape and rushed down the mountain's rolling hills.
She took a look at the note after finding the stream again.
"You found me again! But this isn't the end of the game, either."
On the paper was drawn a picture of a bell. Melody recognized it to be a bell that always seemed to sit uselessly on the desk of the manager of a hotel. Understanding now, she washed her hands and feet, dried them on her clothes, and once again, bolted towards the hotel.
* * *
I didn't know how much more I could take. My adorable little brother was dead. My beloved mother was dead. That probably meant my precious father was dead, too. I'm now even more scared to go back to the hospital... but this "game..." Who was narrating it? Who is my culprit? Who is putting me in such a loop of fear? I didn't want to know what kind of person would do such a thing... Once I made it to the hotel, I looked around. I knew my father couldn't be at the room we were reserved in, since he went downstairs before this incident, and I looked very thoroughly through the room. So he must be on the entrance floor. Taking my deduction as my conclusion, I treaded along the floors and searched around.
Melody had found Shota in a closet and her mother on the ground. Where could she find her father on the entrance floor? The girl hopped from place to place on the floor. After about an hour, she gave up. Her father wasn't on this floor... Where could she be? It could take hours! What kind of hide-n-seek game takes a whole day to play?
She walked to the elevator and pressed the up button. It came almost immediately, and she stepped in.
After a few seconds, something dripped from the ceiling and slid down her hair. When she went to wipe it away, assuming it was water, it was blood - how couldn't she expect that? She looked up and screamed on impulse, throwing herself on the far end of the elevator. Her father was taped to the ceiling, his eyes wide, the white lined with red and his irises smaller than ever. He was gagged, and, like Shota, his body was weaving to and fro with knife wounds.
Horrified, Melody sank to her knees, staring at the corpse hanging lifelessly. Her father was dead. That meant everyone in her family but her were now just lifeless corpses, no longer able to talk and comfort her, to play and scold her. They were all gone... It terrified her.
The sound of footsteps rang out hauntingly, but she couldn't bring herself to turn around. She could only sit and weep over her misfortune.
"You found me again. This game is over."
A pair of hands covered her eyes, blinding her and scaring her beyond comprehension. Out of fear now, she fainted.
------
When she woke up, Melody went to the bathroom, and filled the tub with water. She stepped into the tub and forced herself under the water, refusing to come back up for air. Her memory insisted that the last thing she remembered were the tear stains that littered the floor of the hotel room.
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I loved it! But what happened with the killer after he covered her eyes, did he just bring her back to the room? The ending was definately a surprise to me though.! I loved all the suspension in this piece! Great job! I just reallywant to know what happened with the killer. If you elaborated it more and made it A LOT longer and divided it intochapters, I could definately see it as a novel! Like I said, love it! Can't wait to read more of your work. Keep writing.
I really enjoyed this piece. It was written well enough that I couldn't wait to find the next dead family member. I do have to say that the flow was a tad confusing and that the reactions that Melody had to each new-found death weren't as strong as I wish. I loved the ending though!
"She stepped into the tub and forced herself under the water, refusing to come back up for air. Her memory insisted that the last thing she remembered were the tear stains that littered the floor of the hotel room."
It gave me chills. Overall, I really liked this piece and think it could be turned into something longer, maybe even a novel? Great job and keep writing! BRAVO
Thank you so much<3
I realized that the flow was a bit odd after I reviewed it myself, and I'll probably try to edit that a little more.. Thank you for the review though~
Very interesting. I am slightly confused as to what is going on and I found there were a tad of extraneous details and information. The flow though was somewhat strange to my eye and a little hard to follow. What became of her brother? Did she drown herself? If this is a first work, I have to say it is well enough done and you should keep at it. Please take care
Thank you!

After reading your comment, I had to review my work and pouted a little since you were so accurate :C
Unfortunately, Melody's brother is dead and Melody did drown herself. *cries* But thank you for the review<3 I love your icon too