You changed you name but couldn’t change your face,
So you often changing to find a reflection,
You realized yourself lost and trapped in the space,
Nothing is seen but a clear confusion,
You choose what is right, but now you left in uneasiness,
There is nothing worse than regretting the choices that was made;
The choice never been a pleasure to ponder in soundness,
It often ends with question that you want to throw to your side.
But darling, you never dare to stand in front of the mirror,
To see the turbulence inside your mind,
Or calmly ask what you’re looking for,
You let it whisper to your mind like the wind:
For tomorrow you will never know,
It will pierce your heart like a sharp arrow.
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Canary word: Present
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hello NightWolf here to review your poem.
I like this poem, it is short and sweet. I also love the meaning of it. It's original and creative. Well done.
I would change tbe punctuation a little bit. What you have used interrupts the flow and makes it awkward. Maybe a couple of periods in certain points will solve this.
You attempted to rhyme a little bit, and that's all very well and good, but I don't think it works very well. I think this poem would be great enough without a rhyming scheme.
I love your ideas and content, well done, and I wish to read more soon.
I like your title! It made me want to read the poem straight away!
You changed you name but couldn’t change your face,
Anyway, there a a few areas which could do with some improvement.
I would first like to point out your punctuation; it doesn't work. First of all, this is all one HUGE sentence, and it really makes the flow of the poem awkward. Varied sentence length is important, remember that. So, to your first improvement, I would change some of the punctuation. I'll put an example of what I would do below, but don't feel like you have to change it like that- it's only my suggestion.
Spoiler
so you're often changing to find a reflection.
You realized yourself.
Lost and trapped in
thespace.Nothing is seen but a clear confusion,
you choose what is right, but now you're left in uneasiness.
There is nothing worse than regretting the choices that were made;
the choice, never been a pleasure to ponder in soundness, it often ends with questions that you want to throw to your side.
But darling, you never dare to stand in front of the mirror,
to see the turbulence inside your mind
or calmly ask what you’re looking for.
You let it whisper to your mind like the wind:
for tomorrow you will never know.
It will pierce your heart like a sharp arrow.
I basically just edited your format, punctuation and grammar in this. This is just a guideline into what I think could make the poem more effective.
So, You're content is really good, in actual fact. It's just the format, punctuation and grammar that I found fault with. Don't change your content, it's really good.
The other thing I noticed is that you attempted to rhyme, you sort of succeeded... but only with the sounds of the words- which is rhyming. But, if you were going to do this, you would have to do it throughout the whole poem, not just in certain areas, and in a random order.
I don't think there's anything else I can say. It's a good poem, and I enjoyed reading it!
Keep writing, and good luck with future writing!
-Clarity.
This was a decent poem, but it was hard to follow because of your punctuation. If you want it to continue on into one sentence, then you should replace some of those commas with semi-colons. It would be even better if you used periods, but I know that I don't always like putting periods after my lines.
It also rhymes in random places. I can see where you tried to rhyme, but it just sounds a little off. Like "wind" and "mind' don't rhyme. Try to work it out so you have a better rhyme scheme and I think it would be better.
I liked the poem. I thought it was a good peace. It makes you curious and I think a poem should do that.