Published November 17, 2011
[color=#400040]He was born from the darkness
and hid behind a good-hearted man
He hated the children
and beat them with his staff.
When night comes
he appears as a monster
conquered the darkness of the night
but fear to see the light the next day.
He was never comparable with I am
because he can only dominate the night,
he can not hide himself
even behind the good man
he is still afraid of the light.
[/color]
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141,265 Literary Works • 674,332 Reviews
Oh my gosh!
I absolutely loved it and thought that it was fantastic. It gave me chills man. It was short and sweet and to the point, just what I like. You made a few grammatical errors, but other than that. Fantastic. Flawless. I look forward to reading more from you.
Keep it up!
Sincerely,
Ciara<3
Hey, first thing: this is a great poem! It was short and simple but very effective and interesting to read as well. I must admit that it held quite a dark theme though, but that was part of what I liked about it. I would have to agree with Rose about your few little gramatical errors here and there, but otherwise, it was great! I'd like to read more of your works later on.
Hello there! I'm Rose, and I'll be reviewing this piece tonight!
First off, my favorite part about this piece is the feeling of it. It's actually sort of creepy! I don't read many poems that make my skin crawl, but this one did.
This, to me, was the creepiest part of the whole thing, particularly the last two lines. I think that it's so creepy because you're just stating his evil blatantly without disguising it at all. Writers such as Stephen King do basically the same thing, and look at how well it's worked out for him!
If I were you, I would look back over this piece and take a few minutes to punctuate and capitalize it correctly. For instance, in the first stanza, the first 'he' should've been capitalized, and a period should've been put at the end of the second line; likewise, the second 'he' should've been capitalized. Also, in the third stanza, you used the word 'authorized'. It's slightly confusing to me; I'd look back over it and make sure that it's saying exactly what you want it to.
Great work! Always keep writing!!!
-Rose