How to make this poem better

Hi, I just need some help with my poem.^^ I don't know if it could use some work or need some adjustments....I know how to write really powerful poetry but sometimes I could be confusing with what I write.

I just need some help. Thanks:


It never should've been my first love

The Love I felt for him,

how strong it was for me.

A desire he that burned him for two years

left unoticed.

He loved me

truly loved me.

A love so different.

Very different.

Different.

It was such a love I felt for him.

Which I still feel.



Now both lovers distant.

Boths so blind and sad

why so distant?

Why does this love still want to be alive?

Had both hearts forgotten how to be alive?

So much tragedy.

So much sadness.

Pain.

Misunderstandings.

Desire.

Manly a tragedy.



A first love, ruined by others.

Poisoned by misconceptions.

Only to have both lovers fight each other.

Have this pained girl desert her lover.

Her lover.

The one she gave her heart too.

To her pained lover.

The very lover who waits.



It should've never been my first love.

Having such tragedy strike.

Resentments fangs shown,

war after war fought.

Wounding a broken heart that is distraught.



It never should've been my first love.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Mars
Comment

Moved to Other Poetry. :)

Locked. Please only post poems once.

User avatar
Emerson
Review
Emerson wrote a review · Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:05 pm

Hello love! This isn't really the place where you post poems for review, so if you would, PM a moderator, someone in green, and tell them you need this thread to be moved. :D



For according to the trollish philosopher Plateau, "if you wants to understan' an enemy, you gotta walk a mile in his shoes. Den, if he's still your enemy, at least you're a mile away and he's got no shoes."
— A Blink of the Screen by Terry Pratchett