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You Fear What You Don't Understand

by RylieJane

Defect, you see Imperfection--what you perceive to be my Limitations.
You build walls to keep me out; your laziness deflects me.
Pour out Pity; offer Condolences.
It is you that falls short, never bothering to look deeper.
I am Inferior to your normalcy; born of a lesser God.
Impaired--Disabled is all you can see.
Fear is your greatest folly.

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463 Reviews

Points: 12208
Reviews: 463

Wed Jan 30, 2013 9:06 pm
megsug wrote a review...

Hey Rylie,
Here as requested.

I love the message of this poem. Even if it was meant for deaf people, I think everyone has had an experience where they have been seen as inferior because of a natural part of them.

Be careful about who your speaker is talking about. I assume you're thinking of one group or one person. This group or person is keeping you out of activities, pitying you, looking down on you, and fearing you. Would one group or person really do all of that?

your laziness deflects me.

I have no idea what this means. Laziness to... accept? Laziness to understand? Instead of being a powerful line, it's just a confusing half a line. I don't even think it's necessary. Either cut it or take another line to explain it.

born of a lesser God.

God here should be a lowercase god.

I'm afraid that's all I've got critique wise. I warned you last review that I wasn't as skilled at reviewing poems.

I do have a suggestion. Perhaps, have all words lowercase that you don't want to put importance on. Like the beginning words of each line, unless they're an important word, have them lowercase, so the words that are capitalized stand out more.

As it is, I like the way this poem sounds. The language itself is impressive which is an accomplishment in itself. All this needs is a little polish and a little focus and this poem could be really great.

If you have any questions just PM me or hit my wall up.

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98 Reviews

Points: 273
Reviews: 98

Tue Jan 29, 2013 1:14 am
Rainn wrote a review...

This is a great poem. I love that you don't really rhyme, but it is very much together and it is beautiful. It has a very nice image and a very good feel. I like the image and depth. You are a good poet, keep it up.

If I had to pick my favorite part if this, I would have to say that I like it all too much to pick. Once again, good job!

Keep It UP!

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121 Reviews

Points: 1832
Reviews: 121

Mon Jan 28, 2013 10:15 pm
WritingWolf wrote a review...

I understand how your poem could relate to fear of what you don't understand; but you don't mention it in the actual poem, the only reason I reached that conclusion is because of the title.
Other then that I don't think I really have anything else to say. So great job, keep up the good work!!

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80 Reviews

Points: 333
Reviews: 80

Mon Jan 28, 2013 7:08 pm
polinkacreations wrote a review...

Hey RylieJane!
This was short, but insightful. Some improvements have to be made, I think.
First of all, I don't quite understand how your poem relates to fear and not understanding something. It's abstract, and that can be great. BUT. I feel that at the end of the poem, there is still more to be said. It's like the words are not over. Do you feel that too? I think much more can be put into this. What is it that the character doesn't understand? "you"?
Also, if your character is so selfish that he sees 'you' as inferior, what would he/she possibly fear? If this is about a strong character having a big weakness - that's already a great point to expand upon in your poem. If he/she builds walls, where does laziness come from? See that there are so many questions? Answer them for me, would you?
I like how your lines slowly shorten towards the end, that's a great technique. Maybe considering getting this to rhyme when you've figured out your ideas. Also, I don't like 'folly'. It seems to fall out of place with the rest of the poem.
I also like how you capitalize some words, but don't overdo it. For instance, keep Imperfection with a caps letter to begin with, but 'limitations' don't need capitalizing, I think. It'll only add more effect and focus to the words you want me as the reader to concentrate on!
Overall, I like the message (if only I could decipher it more)! I like your writing, but this needs work. It does have potential, so get it out there!

RylieJane says...

Thanks fo ryour review. Maybe I can help you understand my poem a little better. So I'm going to try to explain :) There are disabilities like being blind or having to use a wheelchair or a service animal, etc. But there are other things, like my deafness, that are not as visible to other people. SOmetimes, there are unnecessary barriers in employment, education, and accecibility. But it's communication that sometimes needs to be addressed. Many people are afraid of accidentally saying something that will offend a person who is deaf, so they say nothing and avoid contact with me whatsoever. Many people tend to put my deafness before me as a person. They focus on my deafness or they immediately start thinking about all the things they think that I can't do. I can do everything that anyone else can do, except hear. But people tend to use negative language, such as "handicapped" or "disabled" or "crippled". Many people assume that because I am deaf, I must also be mentally retarded. They automatically treat me as inferior. When in fact, I should be seen and treated as equal as everyone else. The Hearing community truly tends to look down upon the deaf community. Sometimes even after politely educating others on the subject of deafness and deaf culture, they still choose to discriminate against or demean people who are deaf. Yes, there are systematic and situational barriers, but I am able to do what needs to be done to overcome those types of barriers. The most difficult barriers to overcome are the attitudinal barriers because they reflect low expectations from society in general. Attitudinal barriers like fear, misunderstanding, prejudice, or hate are all things that keep society from recognizing and appreciating the full potential of someone like me. Negative attitudes demean deaf individuals because society makes it seem ok to not treat the deaf community as equal. The deaf community faces inferioriority, ignorance, stereotypes, and fear from the Hearing community. We are often thought of as second class citizens because of our deafness. A lot of people have a difficult time accepting the fact that our deafness does not "impair" us in the workplace and does not make us any lesser of people. Also, people tend to pity those who are deaf and it's so patronizing! We don't want pity! We are who we are and many of us have deaf pride. We don't feel the need to be "fixed" because there is nothing wrong with us. We just want and equal opportunity to live life without restrictions. I just wish more people would be open minded and unprejudiced. So basically that was what my poem was about. I wrote the poem as if I was directing it at one person, but I was using that one person to symbolize all the Hearing people who have prejudice against the deaf community. Thank you for your review. It was very helpful and in-depth!! I appreciate it!

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Points: 266
Reviews: 18

Mon Jan 28, 2013 1:02 pm
anirban says...

Nice was neat and to the point.....its more like a short article than poetry but nevertheless a nice effort....I love the way you opted to draw the end lines.....a bit philosophical but well written. Keep writing. Best Wishes. Cheers!

RylieJane says...

Thank you!

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Points: 640
Reviews: 1

Mon Jan 28, 2013 5:56 am
Areeba says...

Hey, this is GREAT!!!
Kind of like something a really learned philosopher would come out with. I really really like it!!!

RylieJane says...

Thank you!

To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.
— Proverbs 18:13