Ode To YWS

Hey there, Victor. Thought I'd drop by and be the first to critique this piece:

Out of the socket

the plug goes,

off the chair I go. [I don't like the double use of the verb 'to go' and I think this could be more dramatic. Perhaps something a little more poetic and metaphorical like:

'Softly clicked out of the socket,
I leave the plug coiled
across the floor
like a waiting snake.
Scrape goes my chair
as I stand.'

It lengthens your stanza a little but it's more interesting, more descriptive. Remember that similes and metaphors are your friends =) Repetition too but only in the right places.]

Make my way to clean my teeth [I don't think the fragment works here. Add more imagery. This is a rather mundane action so show it in an intriguing way.]

(and why, I do not know);

my head feels quite ok. [It should be 'okay' because ok is actually chat speak though people don't always realise it. Also, maybe start this sentence with a but so it links better to the previous one because otherwise it feels like the narrator doesn't know why he brushes his teeth.]

Make my way over to my bed,

light switch off [Maybe this would be better as:

'I approach my bed,
extinguish the light
like the stars going out,']

(and why, I do not know);

my head feels quite ok. [Same as in the last stanza. Nice use of repetition.]

I feel high as the black sky,

what drugs did I take?

None that I can taste. [I like this stanza but again, it could be stronger. Add a little description. Try to think of a more interesting simile. 'Black sky' is rather dull.]

Just read four great poems on that site YWS,

and my head feels just ok

helping others out on the site YWS. [I think this ending could be stronger and try to avoid the repetition of YWS. That's your punch line so you don't want to over-use it.]