Listening

Hey Chips here to review.

I think the capitalization you've used created an good effect for what you were going for in this poem. You did well in effectively setting the tone of frustration and being fed up, in anger so well done on that. I also liked the rhetorical questions you ask the reader to think about.


I do have some suggestions which may help improve your poem even further.

"Listening to you is tiring and frankly I'm

asleep. This going on and on, so Tired.

You just won't stop with your worries Of

your broken heart. I'm not Hearing

the problem, or seeing it. Its About

time we moved on with a new topic. Sadness

is getting boring. And

frankly, you're making yourself at a Loss."


Frankly, I think you used the word, "frankly", too much in this first stanza, so perhaps vary your vocabulary for the opening especially. I understand this is to set the mood and atmosphere to frustration, but it was written very bluntly at times and too direct, hence losing the poetic element. It began to sound like a rant or a lecture rather, in my opinion.So you could try using imagery, metaphors and descriptions here.


"So, Lets

try something new, Be

joyful and look at the positives and be Happy.

No more diamonds rings down the sink And

no more broken hearts fixed with the glue of lover's spit, Joyful

is what I wish to see in you, and lets make you happy Together."

I like the positivity involved in this stanza. I thought the line lengths and unequal syllables interrupted the flow slightly though.

"I don't think all Poets

should be so sad and down. All

I need is a spark of happiness, but you Seem

sad. Don't be the man with the raven. You're Sad.

But let me tell you something, I'm

not sad."

In general, I found the last stanza to be a little long, so many break it up into two. Here, the first line is a bit of a generalization since not all poets are sad at all, but that's your interpretation I guess. There is also a repetition of sad too often here, it becomes redundant you could use other powerful adjectives, aside from sad. The reference to the "man with the raven", felt slightly disconnected.

"Not

at all. For me to be sad is hard. That

is why I'm so happy. Maybe some Kind

of magical potion and bippity, boppity boo, Of

course fairy tales won't help. We need a Person.

Who will help?"

For me, this stanza had too many ideas and there was an in-cohesiveness compared to the other stanzas. But the tone was well done here.

Overall this is a nice piece, i hope I helped and didn't come off too harsh.

--Chips

Hey there!

I love how this reads, your use of capitalization and the lack of to stress points.

My only question would be in the formatting itself. Was it, too, a stylistic choice where some sentences ran into other lines, or where they ended at? It didn't affect the reading of it at all, so if it is, please don't worry about what I've said here as I'm merely curious!

The favorite part of this poem, for me, is the following passage:

So, Lets

try something new, Be

joyful and look at the positives and be Happy.

No more diamonds rings down the sink And

no more broken hearts fixed with the glue of lover's spit, Joyful

is what I wish to see in you, and lets make you happy Together.

I get what you mean. Actually I agree with you. You're not just saying this to other poets, you're saying this to the world. Kinda like don't judge a book by its cover. Only you mean "just because you're a poet doesn't mean you can't be happy". Granted a lot of good work comes from raw emotion, the emotions you can't or won't let out. You're also screaming "just 'cause there's bad in the world doesn't mean there isn't an equal amount of good!" You just gotta look for it, right? As for those who experience those negative emotions you're trying to give them hope that will help them through it, but it won't be easy. =^_^=