They say it takes years to figure out this life
But I think it can all be linked to a knife
A knife in your heart, a knife in your back
You've always got to watch for a surprise attack
Cause it's the ones you don't expect that are strong enough to kill
& the one person who promised they'd never hurt you surely will
But here's fair warning, don't say you didn't know
That's just the way things are meant to go
Dry your eyes, don't you scream or cry
Everything's a game, & people always lie
There's those that'll love you & always be there
But there's also the ones that just don't care
They'll play with your mind & have their fun
& leave you hurt and alone when it's all said & done
Leave you to fix every little thing they broke
While they laugh cause to them, it was all a joke
But I'm telling you right now, don't waste your time
They make me so mad, I start to rhyme
They might fool you for months or even years
& losing them might become your greatest fear
I speak from experience, so trust what I say
People like that aren't even worth a day
You'll get sick of their lies & sick of their game
You'll get so sick, it'll make you insane
Make you wanna say shut up, & get out of my face
Cause you'll sure as hell be easy to replace
But don't you worry, you'll be okay
Just make sure you say all that you need to say
Make sure they know that they're not worth a dime
That without them, you'll be just fine
Not fine actually, you'll be damn great
Because everything happens because of fate
To make you stronger & make you see
That you need to lock your heart with a key
Learn this lesson while you're still young
Make sure you're careful cause you will get stung
Go have your fun, & enjoy your life.
Just always remember, everyone's hiding a knife.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Thank you guys so much! I've never really known what to do with my writing its amazing to finally find a place to let it all live! You're right, I should've used and instead of & I'm just used to using it haha. But thank you for your tips and your awesome feedback
Wow! The title itself drew me in and as I continued to read I fell more and more in love with it. That was brilliant and so terribly true. The rhyme was genuine and flowed perfectly. Just try not to use "&" and just type out the word. It's just a cosmetics problem. This really was a brilliant poem and I applaud you!
Veritas
Oh and welcome to YWS!
Hey, I just want to start off by welcoming you to YWS!
!
If you have any questions, or need something reviewed, feel free to ask me
Now then, on to your poem...
I really enjoyed! I really liked the rhyming and I loved the idea behind it (so very true). The flow was actually really nice too for the most part. There were some lines when it was kind of forced, but overall I think it was good. Perhaps just try reading it over again and either lengthing or shortening some lines. There were only two big suggestions I have:
1. Instead of using "&" just write out the word "and". It just makes it look nicer and more professional
2. Write out "because" instead of just "cause". Same reason as for the "ands". However, if you want to just write "cause" because you think it flows better in a particular line, then put an apostrophe before it ( 'cause).
Overall, I think you have a really good poem here! It could still use a little work and fixing up, but I think it has a great base. I absolutely love the idea and the rhymning. Keep up the awesome writing