Why would we stay?
It was time to go, the generals said, the situation was untenable. Shot to hell, that was the grunts, no point staying to get shot up more.
Not worth getting shot over scratches in the dirt.
Of course we had a reason, for being here that is. The locals, they said we had one still. If we left now, what was the point of having been shot up in the first place?
Time to go, that was the militia, time to leave and let the locals sort out local problems.
Time to go, said the politicians; time to leave now that the media was focussed on hollywood again.
But what about us? said the rest, those scratches in the dirt; the ones we came for in the first place.
The machete is no way to die.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Wow, this was very nicely written. Hard hitting and to the point. I love the tone and the rhythm. The way you phrased things was unique, and thus very captivating to me. I didn't see any spelling or grammar errors, so congrats on that
. Keep up the great writing and if you have a chance, maybe you could review one of my pieces? I'm still pretty new to YWS, and any comments or pointers are appreciated! Can't wait to go read more of your work.
~Jess
Nice, when I think of in direct speech I think of ancient Roman histories. Its a really great way to get something across and characterize characters ( wow that sounds silly). The experiment, to me at least, went well. You seem to have really show the reader what theses solider feel and think about, his worries and his thoughts. There was some use of jargon,there could have even been more, which gave it that authenticity and some nice figures of speech. I really have no way in which I could suggest some improvements.
Thanks Meevs!
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I've always been interested in (and appalled by) how the West deals with moderns genocide. I would love to write about it, but don't think I have the general knowledge required to do it...so I'd need to do a heap more research. I'm also a shocker when it comes to poetry, so I might stick to the prose
I agree on the general lack of interest in short pieces; and I think it may be because everyone's interested in finding or writing the next Harry Potter, Twilight or Eragon (for better or worse).
But yes, thanks heaps for the positive review and I hope to catch you around the site,
Cheers,
Rubric
Wow I really liked this Rubic. I liked showing it from the soilders point of view, it worked really well.
Are you going to use this as a starting point for a story or a poem? I think it is a very interesting subject to write about and I hope you do a piece on it as this is really good.
It's short, and sometimes short pieces don't always get the attention they deserve when being written but I feel that you didn this justice, well done.
Meevs