z

Young Writers Society


12+

2 Minutes 2 Late (Part 1)

by Roxanne


“Crap!”, she exclaimed.

In her haste, a stack of books on the solid desk crashed on the floor with a resounding thud.

“Quinn?”, her father called from outside.

She sighed in annoyance, “I’ll be out in two minutes dad!”

Two minutes ago, Quinn uttered the same words, and now, she was already two minutes too late for class. Another sigh, seriously?

Quinn’s backpack seemed to have slumped into a corner very inattentively, as both she and her belongings were unprepared for the day. Her room was upside down, with clothes almost everywhere and a long lost pair of socks as decoration.

The window could only provide so much light as the weather outside didn’t look as inviting as it should have on a Monday morning.

Just as Quinn reached for her lonely, sagging backpack, another loud thud echoed through the room.

Her hands clenched into fists, she was on the verge of cursing aloud. Turning around, she discovered that it wasn't the books she thought had fallen again. She frowned but then quickly went on putting together her stuff.

Another thud, louder this time.

Quinn flinched a little, this time she heard it even louder. Did something fall outside?

“Dad!”, she called hesitantly. “Did something fall?”

No answer.

“Da–”

THUD!

She froze. Quinn didn’t know what happened, she wasn’t sure whether something fell or not. She slowly moved to her door and peered into the living room.

One step into the living room, one breath.

Quinn slid off her jacket and let it fall on the floor. The back door, that connected the living room and the backyard, made a creaking sound as it opened a little wider.

Everything in the living room seemed just as normal as a normal monday morning could ever be, but something felt off.

Quinn hesitated and debated whether she would check the backyard or just pack her stuff and hurry up, but the sound of heavy footsteps kept her from going to her room.

She quietly went into the kitchen, where a window could provide a better view of the backyard. She felt like a little thief, snooping around in her own house, but she just had to check. And she had the feeling that it had to be done so quietly as possible.

She stood on her tippy toes, her eyes reaching the edges of the window.

Her father was sitting on a bench in the garden wearing his shoes looking at his watch as if time was the only foe that could ever stop him.

Her eyes grew bigger with shock as she watched three armed men with black masks covering their faces as they quietly attempted to sneak behind her father's big white van. Her eyes flew to her father, who had abandoned the chair, now standing near the van. Almost as if he sensed something amiss.

Quinn’s face turned pale, her thoughts racing through her mind, her hands trembling and sweating. All that could come into her mind was warning her father, but somehow her mind seemed to block out all the thoughts that could help her with that.

Her father looked at his watch again, only if he knew that two minutes had already passed and it was too late.

“Put your hands up!”

All three men stood firmly on the ground, holding a gun aimed at the father. Quinn instinctively covered her mouth with her hands, holding back a scream.


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Sun Nov 26, 2023 7:21 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hello there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

And now for the possessed S’more!

Top Graham Cracker - It’s Monday morning. Quinn is getting ready for school, but catches her father being arrested by mysterious men in black…

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - When you’re talking about her Dad’s van, an apostrophe was missing from “father’s”. But that’s okay, I’ve done it a few times too. (I think I still make that mistake sometimes).

Chocolate Bar - I love how intense it got! It went from Quinn getting ready to school to her father being founded by the FBI! Or maybe it’s another organization that Quinn doesn’t know about. Either way, her Dad is in trouble.

Closing Graham Cracker - I wasn’t expecting the Dad to have secrets. I thought that this would be about Quinn being late to school, but I was surprised! I’m looking forward to part two.

I wish you a fantastic day/night!




Roxanne says...


thank you for the review! And though it's a great idea, the men are not part of a secret organisation. Glad to hear you liked it though!





You%u2019re welcome!



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Sun Nov 26, 2023 5:09 pm
poisonapple says...



Hi! This work of yours is the first thing I read here, and it blew my mind.

At first, I thought it was just an ordinary story about the regular and usual mornings of students BUT the times a thud was mentioned, I sensed something was wrong. Lo and behold there really was something wrong.

The suspense was great, and your use of language is great. Bonus points for the cliffhanger.




Roxanne says...


thank you for the kind words, I'm glad you liked the story!



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Sat Nov 25, 2023 2:15 pm
FrozenEntropy wrote a review...



Firstly, nice title!

Secondly, hello! I'm not the best at this "reviewing" thing, but I shall make an attempt regardless.

Thirdly, I got a legitimate sense of dread. Something about this story screams "something is going to go horribly wrong", and alas, it did. The fact that this story was able to invoke suspense like that is a really good thing. From the beginning, even as far back as the title, we get the sense that something as miniscule as being two minutes late, both in arriving to class and arriving to her dad, may have drastic consequences. From what I understand, her father was going to drive her to class. Had she arrived there in time, perhaps her father would have been driving home or elsewhere, not allowing for this criminal situation to unfold. Or, maybe if she had gotten to him when she said she would, they would have been on the road already and, again, the current situation would have been avoided.

Those are just my thoughts, anyway. I appreciated leaving the conclusion of the short story open ended. It gives us the opportunity to soak in the final, shocking revelation. Very well done :)




Roxanne says...


Hey there!
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate it!



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Sat Nov 25, 2023 11:19 am
PKMichelle wrote a review...



Hello friend!
I saw your work in the Green Room and figured I’d check it out.


Per my interpretation, this was a really incredible short story about a man getting mugged while his daughter is only trying to figure out what is actually going on. It builds up to the final moment, and there's quite a bit of suspense along the way, making for a very antsy and exciting short!


If I could offer any sort of advice, I don't think I would! But I do have an inquiry of sorts. In paragraphs 18 and 19, the information we were given seemed a bit contradictory.

You stated,

The back door, that connected the living room and the backyard, made a creaking sound as it opened a little wider.

Everything in the living room seemed just as normal as a normal Monday morning could ever be, but something felt off.


Now, this could just be me, but if I left my room and saw the backdoor creaking open, I don't think it would seem normal. But it's possible that in the household in this story, it's normal to keep the backdoor open, in which case it makes complete sense.

It just confused me a little bit, and it seemed odd that Quinn saw nothing wrong with that other than the feeling she felt. But, obviously, this is just a small question, and it's different everywhere. Which is why it's always up to the writer and what they believe, so please take this statement of inquiry lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it.


If I had to pick my favorite part, I think it would have to be the last sentence, and the way it makes the character, Quinn, feel all the more relatable and realistic.

Quinn instinctively covered her mouth with her hands, holding back a scream.


This is certainly something a real person would have to do in this instance and makes for a seemingly real, personable character in a made-up, or what I assume to be a made-up story, so kudos to you for making it seem so plausible!


Overall, this was really great and only left me with minor questions. You did a wonderful job constructing a story that feels realistic and making it easy to read as well!

Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope you continue to put out work just as fantastic as this one in the future!


Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!




Roxanne says...


Appreciate the review and kind words!
Ah yes, I can see the confusion, but think of it as a specially designed house for this story ;-)




Life is like a bag of potatoes, it starts out rough, but can turn into something beautiful (and yummy).
— Ley