She dances in her drowned garden while no one is looking; as far as she knows that is. Twirling in circles with a childish delight, her arms spread wide with an invitation to the rain to soak her from head to toe. She engages a dance that few would, but she pays no mind.
She outshines the rain with her giggles of a fairy bell, the heart warming sound echoing throughout the little town of bricks that surround her. Nearby, alley cats once fierce and defensive now lie on their backs purring from the delight of her voice. Hair of many waves now lie flat across her face, the ends of her fringe tickling the corner of her lips. Her face grows pale with her cheeks aglow; kneecaps blushing pink.
A thought comes to her mind. A thought of how many of the town's own people complain about the lack of sunshine; but here in this rainy town of hers, she is home. She actually finds comfort in the beat of the rain drops falling onto the ground, and the refreshing smell of the fresh dirt and grass. This is her definition of comfort.
She has fallen onto her bed with fatigue many times before, with nothing but the sound of the rain to lull her to sleep. Perhaps with the feeling of a thick book's pages beneath her fingertips. To her, it's all about rain. Now, it may seem silly to those who hide inside because of a hint of rain on the forecast, but she simply shrugs her shoulders and leave them be. You have your home, and she has hers. For her, her home is a dreary but melodious place, and that is just how she likes it
Oh my goodness.
This is so beautifully written. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. So precious, so captivating, I loved everything about this piece. The imagery here was very clear, and so, so lovely. Wow. I really don't have anything to critique!
You just put a smile on my face. 
I really hope I come across more of your work!!
~ FearlessLove4
I don't know, but shouldn't this be a short story? Overall I love it. (Shouldn't there be a (.) at the end? SO if the cats were purring to her voice, was she singing? It doesn't say anywhere in the poem that she was singing. Beautiful piece though. The rain can be a comforting thing. Yet this poem is comforting. Is this how you feel about rain in real life?
I don't know, but shouldn't this be a short story? Overall I love it. (Shouldn't there be a (.) at the end? SO if the cats were purring to her voice, was she singing? It doesn't say anywhere in the poem that she was singing. Beautiful piece though. The rain can be a comforting thing. Yet this poem is comforting. Is this how you feel about rain in real life?
Hello, Rosebug! racket here to review your work!
I really like this! I've written some similar stuff to this, so I can relate with both the girl and your writing style. So, nice! Your imagery is awesome, by the way.
I have only a few suggestions and comments.
My first would be that you put this in as poetry? This isn't a poem... this is more of a narrative short story. So, yeah, if I were you, I'd change how you categorized this as a poem, 'cause it isn't and that may confuse people.
My second comment would be on that this story is more from the point of view of the girl as she dances in the rain, for the first two paragraphs. Then, it kind of turns from that and into more of a (defensive maybe?) argument. Like you're trying to convince us, the readers, that the girl is not crazy for liking the rain, and you may be different, but that's the way she is; some people can enjoy the rain, etc. That's not really the point of this short, is it? I think you're trying to convey how carefree and joyful this girl is for the gift of rain. A story shouldn't become an argument, if you can help it, because that isn't really literature, that's more of an article or an essay. But your work here has lots of potential for turning back into a little story about a girl dancing in and loving the rain.
I don't think it's crazy to like rain, by the way. It's one of the most soothing and interesting things there are out there.
I would also like to suggest that you add some metaphors and/or imagery to really convey her feelings. Make us really understand her without having to tell us she likes the rain. Writers have a saying maybe you've heard, "Show, don't tell". We don't want you tell us that she has fallen tired on her bed many times before. Maybe she 'fell onto her bed in her familiar way, remembering stories enjoyed on the worn bedspread' or something like that. I want to feel her emotions and inner thoughts!!
I think you should focus on those things. Also, maybe read through this one or two more times, 'cause there are two or three spots that could be rephrased better. But I think you should focus more on the other stuff I pointed out.
Anyways, good job! I know I pointed out a heck of a lot, but this story is actually really well done! i did enjoy reading it. You don't have to use any of what I suggested if you don't agree with it, but it's always nice to have another opinion, yes? That's why we review. But, good job! Keep up the great work! And welcome to YWS!
~racket
This short really appealed to me. The idea of a girl dancing in rain is a happy thought, and I like it. My only suggestions are watch your spelling and make sure you have correct formatting, but other than that this is a really nice piece and I enjoyed reading it!
Hey there! I'm here for a quick review.
This is really a very sweet story about uniqueness. I really only have a few suggestions.
1. What's up with the odd formatting? It wouldn't look out of place in a poem, but you classified this as a short story, so was this intentional or not?
2. Your tense is a little off. It looks like you were going for present tense, but I'm guessing because of unfamiliarity with it, you wound up with some fragments and stuff. I'll just go through and point out odd sentence wordings.
as far as she knows
that is. She didn't really care to check before advancing into such affairs.
Beyond her utter bliss, you don't even notice the shivers that tickle her skin.
Now, a thought comes to mind.
A thought of how many of the town's own people
complain about the lack of sunshine and the overpopulation of hypothetical vampires;
This is appeals to me.
You see, I love rain very much. Although many people will find it insane to stand out in the pouring rain and just take a nice rain shower. I love it. But anyway, onto this review.
At first I thought you were using personification for the rain to be like a person, which would've been a nice touch, but then I realized you were actually talking about a person, whoopsie...
"She engages a dance that few would, but she pays no mind;" This relates to me very much. But I take it a bit as a metaphor for being able to do things differently than others in secret, and not be ashamed of it with yourself.
"ally" ---> "alley"
It's nice to connect with your readers, but adding a "you" in there sort of ruined the story for me. It's as if I was there, watching your character dance in the rain.
This doesn't feel much like a story to me, it feels more like a lengthy poem. A story tells a happening of someone that is of a bit more significance than merely dancing in the rain. Yes, your imagery is beautiful, but this gives me the vibe of a poem with a whole lot of describing words. This is very nice, and beautiful. But this is not a story. It may have the length of a story, but it goes nowhere. It tells a girl's thoughts at a short period of time, but the entire time, she does not leave the garden, she is merely dancing the entire time I've been reading this.
A story is an adventure with words. Every story is an adventure, and staying in one place whilst writing down thoughts is not a story. But, this lengthy poem, however, is beautiful.
And the thing about adding your reader into the story, the reader may not agree with what you are writing down. I actually love rain much more than the sun, and you say that I have a love for the sun. Although I may seem a bit obnoxious for pointing this out, it's worth bringing up.
Nice work, though. You've nailed that imagery.
-xJ ♥︎
Hi there, Sagi incoming! This is a nice little story, I love short quirky stories like this. There are a few nitpicky things I'd like to point out, and then you can go relax *hands hot chocolate*
Nearby, ally cats once fierce and defensive now lay on their backs purring from the delight of her voice.
Beyond her utter bliss, you don't even notice the shivers that tickle her skin. Hair of many waves now lay flat across her face, the ends of her fringe tickling the corner of her lips.
The many nights she's fallen onto her bed with fatigue, with nothing but the sound of the rain to lull her to sleep.
Perhaps, the feeling of a thick book's pages beneath her finger tips with rain in the background.
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