I never saw through your disguise,
I never thought your words were lies,
My feelings meant nothing at all,
You never wanted me,
you never even cared.
It was all just a game.
A set up in clever disguise.
I took the bait without stopping to think,
I was blind,
I didn't see the signs.
Now it’s all too clear
trusting you was my fatal mistake,
Now and forever I shall regret ever saying I love you
for it meant nothing at all.
As I pick up the pieces of my heart
I now see who you really are,
a liar,
a cheater,
a heartless player,
who plays for the thrill of the chase.
Someday I pray karma catches you
and does to you what you've done to me,
I long to see the day when you finally feel the pain you've caused.
Maybe then you'll understand what heartbreak feels like.
When that day comes I hope I'm there,
So when she walks away I'll see the pain in your face
and tears in your eyes,
Then softly I'll whisper in your ear,
Karma is a bitch and so am I,
you played me Karma played you,
what goes around comes around,
that’s how it goes,
Maybe now you'll learn to be nicer to those you run around
'less Karma come back again.
Have fun in hell you heart breakin' lowlife,
I'll see you there and you better start praying for mercy,
'cause down there there's no one to save you from the wrath
of the pain you inflicted on so many innocent hearts.
I'd change my ways if I were you,
otherwise I'll be seeing you in hell.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi,
I think there may be potential here but regarding the style and structure, I didn't care much for it.
You started with a rhyme "disguise" and "lies" then completely abandoned it. Sometimes this works, for example having random rhymes but having only one at the beginning seems as though you gave up on the idea...
Also, every line of a poem should start with a capital letter and I don't think all of yours did.
However, there was some good vocabulary, such as "thrill of the chase" and "innocent hearts." Maybe a little cliched, but perfect for this type of poem.
It was very "woman scorned" and this came across effectively. Maye reassess at the style and structure and the nitpicks i pointed out and I think this could be a successful piece.
Helen.
x
First of all. Whoah! your all over the place. You start out with a rhyme and then you totally ditch it. Then you proceed to use the words disguise and karma redundantly. But that wouldn't matter as much if your poem wasn't so filled with what I consider to be cliches. For instance: "Now and forever I shall regret ever saying I love you", and "As I pick up the pieces of my heart". There is emotion in your poem, and its strong, but its been displayed in a manner too haphazard to do it justice. I think you should spend some serious time revising this poem. Maybe try out some different styles or schemes. I wish you the best of luck.