Hi, Rosamunroe.
I am GeeLyria, and I will be reviewing for you today.
Your poem definitely has potential. However, it needs some improvements to achieve 100%. In this review, I will be talking about uniformity. Even though your poem is very intense and anyone who can relate to it can find it likable, it lacks consistency. I noticed you placed some commas around, but there are some missing, too. The fourth line is an example of what I'm telling you:
Little sister, little sister don't poke at your festering blister-
Your punctuation really needs to be stable, and by that I mean that you need to place all the missing commas and periods. Why is this important? Because the more professional you are, the more serious they will treat you. If writing is an important part of your life, you will spot the rationality in my suggestions. :]
I also want to talk about the length patterns of your lines. If you take a look at your piece, some of them are drastically short and some are way longer. If I have to suggest something, I'd tell you to make your poem a little more square-like. Why? Because it's nicer to the eye, and it will make the reader feel more welcomed. You can take commas as an opportunity to create more lines and make your poem more organized.
Sidenote: Check third line. Are you sure "plain" is the word you were wanting to write?
Overall, you did a decent job. There's my grain of sand. I hope I've expressed myself correctly. However, if you have any questions, feel free to contact me. <3
~GeeLyria
Points: 1271
Reviews: 532
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