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140,078 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Rosamunroe!
We meet again! I have enjoyed this poem way more than the other one you wrote. The rhyming pattern in this piece is catchy, it's organized in a more attractive way, and the imagery is pretty entertaining. Although, I noticed that in your other poem you placed commas, but forgot about the periods; while in this one, you did the opposite! I'd definitely work on that; consistency. However, I won't repeat the same things I've already said. Walk that extra mile, because it will be worth it and you'll see the reflection of it in the comments. :]
~GeeLyria
I like it.
1. The beat is nice and strong.
2. Your style is original, no line breaks.
3. No obvious spelling mistakes.
4. Conveys strong emotion.
The line after fingers retreat is ambiguous, but I think it fits. It allows the reader to come to his or her own conclusions.
Thank you max ... the fact there was no line breaks was not intentional but i think ill try a few more poems like this
Thank you for the feedback
No problemo.
Hi Rosa,
you've got a really nice rhythm to it. (I was reading it as if there were line breaks when there is a capitol letter, is that right?) Some of the description is really shocking, I especially like "drenching my heart", and "stinging in my eyes".
.
I really like this piece
I like the line "fingers retreat" but for me the line after that doesn't fit. I'm not sure whether it's just too ambiguous or if it's something else. I know that's not very helpful so i'm sorry about that put there is just something about it that doesn't feel quite right.
Having said this, I absolutely love the last line. The ambiguity here really works and creates a beautiful end to the poem.
So... overall this is a really good poem, you have a quite a talent
Wakegirl x
P.S I like the fact that you don't bother with lots of prepositions
There is supposed to be line breaks at the capital letters. I was writing this from my phone and it wouldnt let me seperate the line
The fingers retreat part is leading up to the next line , forming the thought of hesitation
Thank you for all the support very appreciated