| I found a rose sitting on the grass one day. I picked her up, and saw her bleeding eyes. I asked: "What makes you cry?" For a long moment, she just sobbed. And then her lips parted, wider and wider. Her pained voice squeaked out: "My thorns." I glanced down at her broken and bent stem. No thorns, all torn off one by one. My heart clenched, and I gently set her down beside me on the grass. "Who did this to you?" The silence stretched as far as the sea went. She sobbed some more, as if the very words had pierced right through her heart and her soul. "I-I did it to myself, of course." With widened eyes, I turned to the rose. How could a rose take away her only protection? Why would she do such a thing? And how? "Why?" She fell completely silent. "I thought my thorns would be my protection." "Weren't they?" I asked with a hushed whisper. "My thorns only hurt others. If I wished not to be alone at all, I would have learned to take off my thorns for those whom wish to take away my loneliness." The rose sighed shakily and looked up at the blue, translucent sky. "In that way, they offered me protection. But I didn't need protection to begin with." I narrowed my eyes, massaged my head, and glanced up at the blue sky just like her. But no matter how hard I mustered, I could not understand her words. "But you are a rose." "Roses are cowards." She answered. "Too afraid to go about the world without their thorns to protect them." "But you are a rose." I said again. "No longer am I a rose. Without my thorns, I am just like any other flower." And as she looked upon the world, she fell silent for the last and final time. |
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hello! Let's give you another review, shall we?
I'm afraid to say that I'm not always the best at reviews, but I hope this is passable:
First of all, I'm getting vibes that this is pretty deep. The more I think about it and reread it, the more I see and the more obvious the metaphors and symbolism become. You definitely have quite a bit of skill when it comes to your imagery, you seem to have no problem with painting that beautiful picture for your readers with your creativity here.
Something that I can't help but wonder about has to do with this line-
"No longer am I a rose. Without my thorns, I am just like any other flower." And as she looked upon the world, she fell silent for the last and final time.
It's kind of a stupid thought, but I couldn't help but think of it as I read the line- are roses the only flowers that get to talk in this universe? I know that completely misses the point of this whole thing and the whole symbolism thing happening, but it was just a stupid thought that popped up in my dumb tired brain, haha.
On a less silly note, this is very well done. The formatting of this with the short paragraphs is quite different than most other works of literature that I see in my day-to-day life, but it works. It really works well here. I can't quite put my finger on why, but the formatting just seems to fit the tone, and I can't find the words to describe why (which is a bit frustrating) but it fits very well. I don't really see much wrong grammatically, except for one thing. At one point you write "But no matter how hard I mustered, I could not understand her words." That sentence struck me as odd, and I think it's your word choice. Mustered doesn't quite seem like the right word to use here, but that's the only thing that struck me as possibly being grammatically incorrect. Otherwise, everything looks good!
Again, this is very well done and you have quite a bit of skill with your writing. I'd definitely look forward to reading whatever else you might post here and possibly reviewing more of your work in the future
Thank you for reading! Roses are known for their thorns, and their beauty. They are particularly different from other flowers, for that very reason. She means that now, without her thorns, she is just like the other flowers whom have no protection. She can no longer be considered a rose without her thorns.
Hello!
This story is definitely melancholic...
I think that it's a very interesting topic, and I can't help wondering what gave you the idea. The idea of the rose taking off it's thorns is really interesting, and I like the dialogue about roses being cowards.
That's all I have to say!
-Gnomish
All stories hold some truth! I'll leave it up to your imagination, as to what it is based off of. Thank you for reading!
Hey, there. This is a very interesting work, and definitely a unique perspective. Your creativity blossoms all over this piece. (The pun wasn't necessarily intended, but, hey...
) You've used a solemn tone and some thought-provoking imagery. Also, I love the concept of the conversation with an inanimate object.
Your grammar and punctuation are good! I did notice one thing, though. It is in the following sentence:
"If I wished not to be alone at all, I would have learned to take off my thorns for those whom wish to take away my loneliness."
I believe the "whom" should be replaced with "who" in this case.
Other than that, I don't think I noticed any punctuation, grammar, or spelling errors. So good job!
Once again, this is a nice piece. Keep up the good work!
Thank you for reading, and the advice!