Dissertation on "Where's Waldo"

Some questions are trivial. Some last years without being resolved. Some are eternal. But there is one question that is boundless, timeless. A question that shoots into the eternal void and returns as a still-questioning echo: Where is Waldo? Scientists and philosophers have been pondering that question ever since that enigma of a man first graced their consciousness. Waldo’s presence is barely detectable, even in the brightest of lights: in a world that abounds in red-striped objects, only the truly skilled or the exceptionally lucky will find him. So where does he hide?

Answering this question involves more than the simple point-and-check method employed by many toddlers. Indeed, truly finding Waldo involves finding ourselves first. We dig into the furthest reaches of our inner beings, dragging out that piece of ourselves we have squirreled away for so many years: the Waldo Watcher. The Waldo Watcher presides within everyone. It is why the American flag is three-fourths red and white stripes. It is why lined notebook paper is a popular-- no! an essential-- school supply staple. It is why simple blue jeans are a style that never grows old, no matter how many decades pass.

Suppressing the Waldo watcher within leads to the grievous consequences we associate only with our own shortcomings. Consider the question: Does this shirt make me look fat? Waldo never seems to notice the world around him: he simply doesn't care what others think of him. He doesn't look where he’s going or pause to gawk at the mischief that perpetually unfolds around him. In short, Waldo has an extreme confidence in himself. Being unsure about one’s body-- as is associated with the question of looking fat-- is completely against what Waldo stands for. That is why, in so many cases, Waldo’s horizontal stripes turn on the wearer, changing the answer from “Of course not! You look beautiful!” to “Yes, maybe you should try vertical stripes. I hear they make you look thinner.” What we learn from this example is simple: mind not those who would seek to distract you from your grand quest with puny “logic.” To find the Waldo Watcher hidden within, you must rid yourself of all these doubts. Only then can we truly search for-- and find-- Waldo.

Once we have found the Waldo Watcher within (and have dressed appropriately), our searches for Waldo must needs turn outward. Some may be distracted by the endless lists of trivial things to find. Some may even feel that finding Wilma or Wizard Whitebeard is important. However, these are missing the big picture. Why bid for trinkets when you can win the grand prize? Always focus on finding Waldo: the other tasks can wait.

The methods for finding Waldo have always varied from individual to individual. It is not unlike enlightenment: there is no one path proven to always be correct for everyone. It is up to you to find your own path.

One concludes that the only place to truly find Waldo is within oneself. Or turn to the back of the book, where they have all the answers. But that path is for losers, so instead, we stoically face the page, searching for the umpteenth time for that face so familiar and friendly. And we realize that we have been blind all this time. Waldo was right there in front of us: in the upper left hand corner of page 6 behind the table, twirling his despicable cane and smiling his smug smile. Oh, how I hate him.

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A/N: This essay is from an actual college entrance prompt which, word for word goes like this: "So where is Waldo, really?" 

I know I used a lot of colons: I'm working on that.

And dashes-- I used lots of them too-- don't worry about them.

Also, I used second person and I felt like It should have all been third person, but I can't think of a way to avoid with without abusing "one" and "oneself" etc. Any advice for that would be welcome.